James Finds the Answers
by fuego92
Summary: James Sirius Potter wants to know why his father is famous, so what does he do? Google it of course! Unfortunately, A Very Potter Musical is going to give him and his siblings just as many questions as answers.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, The Mysterious Ticking Noise, or A Very Potter Musical. These belong to J.K. Rowling, Neil Cicierega, and Team Starkid respectively. In other words, I'm not making any money off of this-it is simply a fan of all three having fun. :)**

**A/N: I have been obsessively watching A Very Potter Musical the last week or so and began wondering how the characters would react to their portrayal. The easy way was to look up someone else's interpretation of such events, but unfortunately my google searches yielded nothing so I said "I SHALL WRITE MY OWN!" and then lightening struck the ground behind me creating a small explosion and I looked very impressive. Anyways...this is my version of how they would react. :)**

**PS- If you have not seen A Very Potter Musical then you def. should. _Then _come back here and read this.**

**Chapter 1**

Young James Potter finished closing the door as he waved, smilingly to his parents. This afternoon, the Potters were leaving their children with their cousin Dudley.

Cousin Dudley was kind of weird and lived alone, but he was nice and their Dad had grown up with him, so it wasn't like they were being left with a stranger. The good thing about going to Dudley's house was that he had all the latest muggle gaming systems and computers.

This was something the children did not have at home because all of the magical forces running through their home tended to short-circuit electronics. It was thus that forced their father to give up on the dream of having his own computer that he could blow up aliens on whenever he wanted, much to their mother's relief.

However, when they were at Dudley's house they could do that and more, but today was not the day for that. No, James had a very different idea in mind. As his parents drove away he shut the door and turned to face the dark foyer. There behind him were Al and Lily who looked nervously up at him.

He supposed he must have been making _that_ face. The face that usually meant that within the next four hours or so, all three of them would be in big trouble with their parents. Well, maybe not Lily; all she had to do was bat her big brown eyes at their father and he melted like a chocolate bar on a sunny day.

"Why are you looking at us like that?" pondered Albus, adjusting his tiny wire-framed spectacles nervously.

James let him fidget a bit more, watching him shift from side to side as he waited for a response. Lily simply sucked her thumb, her stuffed bear dragging sadly along the floor as she swung her other arm to and fro. Although she was nearly seven years old, she still carried around her bear and when their mum wasn't looking, sucked her thumb.

Just as James opened his mouth to put his brother out of his misery, Dudley poked his head into the hallway. "What are you kids doing, standing in the dark?" he asked awkwardly.

At the age of thirty-five Dudley Dursley was most definitely past his prime. His once thick blonde hair was thinning, his pudgy face slack, and all of his teeth had been filled at one point or other due to cavities brought on by his extreme sugar intake.

He was still muscular though, to the point where his body formed an upside down triangle between his head and legs.

"We're part vampire. We need the darkness to recover from all the sunlight we just had to stand in." said James innocently.

"Y-you're what?" spluttered Dudley.

"Our mum's a vampire, didn't Dad tell you?" Dudley shook his head, wide-eyed. "Oh, well that's what they're off to deal with now. They had to go kill some people so we could have blood for the rest of the month. It's sort of like grocery shopping, only the food doesn't come on shelves. Although I have to say the shopping trolleys would come in handy for lugging around the dead bodies." Added James thoughtfully, scratching his chin.

Dudley had paled and was gaping at them in shock. "T-t-they n-never told me a-about this…"

"Well don't worry about it, we already fed this morning at breakfast, we should be good for another day."

Dudley didn't exactly look relieved but his face became a bit less tense. "Anywho, I was wondering if we could see your computer? There's something I wanted to look up on the intronets." He finished matter-of-factly.

Dudley did not bother correcting him, he just led them straight to the computer without a word. It seemed that Wizard-vampire half-breeds were more than he was willing to go up against.

"Why did you do that?" Al asked dully as they followed their cousin to the computer room.

James chuckled, "Oh come on, it's fun! Did you see his face he was terrified!"

Al glared, "Exactly, it was mean."

They found their cousin standing flush against the wall to give the dangerous creatures room to sit around the computer. "Dudley, we're not vampires."

Unfortunately, Lily chose that moment to remove her thumb from her mouth and bare her small canines at Dudley, hissing like a cat. James ruffled his little sister's hair proudly, beaming at her. She was going to be an excellent prankster one day.

If it were possible Dudley backed himself further against the wall. Al rolled his eyes in frustration. "Dudley, they're idiots, we're not vampires it was just a joke."

Dudley let out a breath he had been holding and laughed weakly. "You got me…" Dudley knew he could trust Al to tell him the truth. It was further confirmed when he heard of a low hiss of 'buzzkill!' from James.

"So…er, why did you want to get on the internet?"

James, brought back to his original purpose turned to his cousin excitement lighting his brown eyes. "We're going to goggle Dad!"

"You're going to google Harry?" Dudley questioned bewildered as his cousin's eldest plopped himself down on the computer chair and yanked the keyboard closer.

"That's what I said isn't it?" The boy stuck his tongue out as he hunted and pecked the keys, spelling out H-A-R-R-Y P-O-T-T-E-R.

"But why? What makes you think the internet would have something on your dad?"

"Because he's famous." Dudley blinked at this revelation. "I realized it for sure when we were at Diagon Alley to get my school supplies last week. Everyone was pointing and staring and asking for his autograph, it was crazy…Problem is, I don't know why…There." The search engine had finally come up with the results.

Albus, despite his earlier irritation with his brother was watching the proceedings over his shoulder. "Whoa! Dad has a book series?"

"Boring…hey videos!" James quickly clicked the blue link that read "Videos for Harry Potter."

Albus rolled his eyes at his brother's complete disregard for literature and would most likely be an excellent source of information, but was distracted by one of the bright blue links. "Potter Puppet Pals?"

Dudley looked baffled but grabbed the mouse from James and clicked it anyway.

Before their eyes, a pale, black haired puppet popped up and began muttering about a ticking noise before singing a song "Snape…Snape…Severus Snape…"

"Hey! Isn't that the guy you're named after?" grinned James delightedly at Albus, who seemed repulsed.

A puppet with a long white beard wearing wizard robes and hat shot up crying "Dumbledore!" and James shouted "And there's your other namesake!"

Al shook his head sadly at his rather unimpressive namesakes.

A red haired puppet appeared singing his name as well and Lily and James shouted simultaneously "Uncle Ron!" which was almost immediately followed with a shrill "Aunt Mione!"

Dudley covered his ears when Harry appeared to block out the three screams of "DAD!"

They watched Snape and Harry get in a puppet fight over names and Dumbledore reappeared minus his robes, still sporting his star-spangled hat.

"Ew!" cried Lily and James laughed while Al just blushed at his crazy, naked namesake.

Soon, the song was over and Uncle Puppet Ron found a 'pipe-bomb' and they all exploded causing Lily to cry and clutch her bear so tightly one of its eyes popped off.

They paused the video to calm her down and when she regained control of her tears, they started up the video just in time for a snake like puppet to proclaim himself to be Voldemort and cackle evilly, causing Lily to become scared once again.

"Well…that was…odd." Stated Dudley.

James was already searching through the related videos box, muttering "A Very Potter Musical?" he clicked it and a new video began loading. "Maybe this will explain some things." Said James and Lily shushed him, as a silvery logo saying 'Starkid Potter' ran across the black screen and music filled the small room.

Just as a figure that remarkably resembled Harry came up on the screen, the door to the computer room swung open. "James, I can't believe you took my wallet-" Harry began angrily before turning to the screen to read the title above the video. "-what are you guys watching?"

James, eager to avoid the subject of the theft of his father's wallet quickly blurted "You have a musical Dad!"

His father's face contorted strangely and as he spun around to find a chair, James slipped the wallet back in his father's pants pocket.

Once Harry settled himself down, he commanded "Hit play James."

James was only too happy to comply and before they knew it the room was filled with the voice of the actor playing Harry.

**"Underneath these stairs**  
**I hear the sneers and feel glares of**  
**my cousin, my uncle and my aunt."**

Dudley turned red at the reminder of his and his parent's cruelty towards Harry and wondered how many Harry had told.

**"Can't believe how cruel they are**  
**and it stings my lighting scar**  
**to know that they'll never ever give me what I want."**

Dudley glanced at Harry who, like him, seemed embarrassed and shocked that this actor was spouting out secrets about their home-life.

**"I know I don't deserve these**  
**stupid rules made by the Dursleys**  
**here on Privet drive.**

**Can't take all of these muggles,**  
**but despite all of my struggles,**  
**I'm still alive."**

Harry grinned a bit as James muttered "Way to be dramatic Dad."

**"Im sick of summer and this waiting around.**  
**Man, its September, and Im skipping this town**  
**Hey Its no mystery, theres nothing here for me now**

**I gotta get back to Hogwarts,**  
**I gotta get back to school.**  
**Gotta get myself to Hogwarts,**  
**where everybody knows I'm cool."**

Harry's small smile became a full on grin as he thought about how true that had been for him, and he looked over to his eldest son who was probably feeling that way right now.

**"Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts,**  
**to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts.**  
**Its all that I love, and it's all that I need.**  
**HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, I think I'm going back-**

**I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry**  
**take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky**  
**NO WAY this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome"**

Dudley who had been looking a bit confused by all of the magical references asked "Why would anybody die?" No one answered him, although Harry cut an irritated glance his way.

**"I'll cast some spells, with a flick of my wand**  
**defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on!**  
**and do it all with my best friend ron, 'cuz together we're totally awesome"**

A man in a red wig, apparently Ron Weasley, strode in and Harry and Dudley cringed at the screams of "UNCLE RON!"

"Yeah, and it's gonna be totally awesome! Did somebody say Ron Weasley?"

Harry's grin grew impossibly wider.

Ron's character began to sing:  
**"It's been so long, but we're going back**  
**don't go for work, don't go there for class**

**HARRY:**  
**As long as were together-**

**RON:**  
**- gonna kick some ass**

**HARRY & RON:**  
**... and its gonna be totally awesome!**  
**This year we'll take everybody by storm,**  
**stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm**

**HERMIONE:**  
**but let's not forget that we need to perform well in class**  
**if we want to pass our OWLS!"**

"AUNT MIONE!" shouted the children and Harry scolded "No more yelling!" Dudley nodded faintly.

**HERMIONE:**  
**"I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart**  
**check out my grades, they're "A's" for a start**  
**what I lack in looks well I make up in heart,**  
**and well guys, yeah, that's totally awesome**

**this year I plan to study a lot..."**

Harry's maniacal grin returned; that was so like his best friend.

**RON:**  
**"that would be cool if you were actually hot"**

**And that was so like his other best friend.**

**HARRY:**  
**"hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got!**

**RON:**  
**and that's cool...**

**HERMIONE:**  
**... and that's totally awesome**

**HARRY, RON, HERMIONE:**  
**yeah it's so cool, and it's totally awesome!**

**we're sick of summer and this waiting around**  
**it's like we're sitting in the lost and found**  
**don't take no sorcery**  
**for anyone to see how...**

**we gotta get back to hogwarts**  
**we gotta get back to school**  
**we gotta get back to hogwarts**  
**where everything is magic-cooooool"**

Dudley found himself watching the Potter's frighteningly insane smiles more than the film and as the song progressed, he begun wishing that he had gone to Hogwarts.

**EVERYONE:**  
**"back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts**  
**to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts**  
**it's all that I love, and it's all that I need at**  
**HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS**

**HARRY, RON, HERMIONE:**  
**- I think we're going back..."**

"Click the next one!" pleaded Dudley and the rest turned to him in surprise. Dudley's cheeks flushed but he made motions to hurry up and James obeyed, sending them to the next video in the series.

**A/N: Kind of abrupt ending I know but I had to make myself stop. Read and review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, The Mysterious Ticking Noise, or A Very Potter Musical. These belong to J.K. Rowling, Neil Cicierega, and Team Starkid respectively. In other words, I'm not making any money off of this-it is simply a fan of all three having fun. :)**

**A/N: And here is Chapter 2 for all you peoples that seem to like my story. Thanks for the reviews! :)**

**Chapter 2  
**

As the video began loading up, the front door could be heard opening, accompanied by a shout of "Harry!"

"We're in the computer room Gin!" Harry bellowed back.

Ginny appeared in the now open doorway, hands on her hips. "Harry, why are you sitting down? You were just supposed to pick up your wallet-" Ginny fixed a glare upon her eldest, "-and come right back!"

"That's right, you have my wallet! Give it back right now." Harry said firmly, sticking out his hand.

"I don't have it! It's in your pocket, see!" James pointed at his father's pocket in triumph.

All eyes turned to see the validity of his argument and sure enough, Harry's wallet was poking out of his pocket. Ginny crossed her arms and gave her husband a disparaging look. Harry tensed, angry. "Don't look at me like that- it was _not_ there a second ago, I swear! James I know you're behind this!"

James merely raised his arms in mock surrender and the rest of the room merely gazed at Harry as if he had done something incredibly stupid, not knowing his wallet was in his own pocket. Lily patted his arm, an angelic expression gracing her freckled face as she said "It's okay Daddy, we still love you anyways."

Everyone else cracked up and Harry huffed. "Let's just watch the video…"

"What video?" asked Ginny and was surprised by Harry's expression doing a 180. Well, then again, he always had been a moody git.

An excited smile split his face in two. "Gin, you have got to see this. It's a musical about our time at Hogwarts!" he yelped excitedly.

Pulled from her musings about her husband's relative sanity, Ginny was shocked. "Really, a musical about us?"

"Yeah! Come on grab a seat-" he pulled a small stool from behind him and plopped it beside his chair "the next act is just about to start!"

Ginny sat down on the stool confused, excited, and slightly disappointed she had missed the first act. Harry saw her pouty expression and conceded "Okay, we'll watch the first part again…it's only four minutes anyway."

They went back to the first video and hit play. This time the Potter kids were singing along, Harry was tapping out the beat on the back of Albus' chair, and if one listened very carefully, one would swear they could hear Dudley humming. At the end of Act One, Ginny was fidgeting in her seat with nervous energy. "We should call Ron and Hermione, they would love this."

Ginny pulled a small handheld mirror out of her purse and clearly said "Hermione."

Ginny's reflection disappeared and in its place was a bushy haired woman with intelligent brown eyes. "Hi Ginny, I thought you and Harry were going on a date today."

"Oh we were, but someone had a little crisis over a "missing" wallet and we had to run back for it." Harry's green eyes were narrowed at her but she ignored him. "So now we're all at Dudley's house watching a video and guess what it is we're watching!"

"What?"

"The kids-" Dudley cleared his throat "and Dudley" she amended "found a musical version of our time at Hogwarts!"

Hermione did an excellent impersonation of a fish and repeated "What?"

"Yeah, so you and Ron should come on over and watch, because you two are in it!" squealed Ginny.

Hermione agreed and arrived with Ron in a little over twenty minutes, during which everyone else had eaten lunch and taken bathroom breaks. Dudley hooked his computer up to his television in the living room so that they would have more room to watch and they could all be more comfortable. After all it had been mighty crowded in the small computer room.

While Dudley was setting this up, Ron and Hermione were watching the first act. When they joined the others in the living room Hermione seemed to be in a rage and Ron had a red hand-print on his cheek. He threw himself down beside Harry on the couch and muttered "Thanks for the warning Potter, you could have told me my character was going to say that stuff about Mione."

Harry smirked and said "No problem, mate." Ginny just grinned at her tactless brother's predicament.

Dudley restarted the second act and Ginny's grin faded as she saw a woman in a red wig run forward squealing "Ron!"

"Oh, no that cannot be me." She denied, shaking her head frantically. Now it was Ron's turn to grin.

**GINNY: "You're supposed to take me to Madam Malkins and use those sickles Mum gave you for my robe fitting!"**

**HARRY: "Uhh...who's this?"**

**RON: "Uh…this is stupid little dumb sister Ginny, she's a freshman. Ginny this is Harry. Harry Potter…this is Harry Potter."**

Ginny glared fiercely at her onscreen brother. She was _not _dumb. Harry leaned over to Ron and mumbled "Just making friends everywhere aren't you?"

**GINNY: "Oh…You're Harry Potter, you're the boy-who-lived!"**

Ginny rolled her eyes, she was not that star-struck.

**HARRY: "Yeah, you're Ginny."**

Harry laughed; it reminded him of his first time in the wizarding world when Fred had informed him he was Harry Potter and he had, oh so intelligently, replied "Oh, him." Ginny who, misunderstood the laughter, smacked the back of his head.

**GINNY: "It's Ginevra."**

**HARRY: "Cool, Ginny's fine."**

Harry laughed again, this time he deserved the smack.

**RON: "Stupid sister! Don't crowd the famous friend."**

**HERMIONE: "Do you guys hear music or something?"**

**RON: "Yeah, someone's coming!"**

**CHOs POSSE:**  
**"Cho Chang**  
**Domo arigato, Cho Chang**  
**Gung Hey Fat Choy, Chang**  
**Happy Happy New Year, Cho Chang"**

Ginny was laughing too at this point, while the kids and Dudley looked bewildered.

**GINNY: "Whoa, who's that?"**

**RON: "That's Cho Chang, the girl that Harry's been totally in love with since freshman year."**

"What? But I thought you loved Mum!" objected Albus. Harry blushed and Hermione took over. "Cho Chang is just a girl your Dad had a crush on for a few years, he acted completely stupid around her for a while and then he grew out of it." she said sounding like she was giving a lecture.

Harry groaned. "Thanks, Hermione." Ron sniggered while Dudley looked intrigued.

**HERMIONE: "Yeah, but he won't say anything to her."**

**RON: "Yeah, you never tell a girl you like her it makes you look like an idiot!"**

"So, that's what took you so long." muttered Hermione, rolling her eyes.

**GINNY: "Konichiwa Cho Chang, I'm Ginny Weasley!"**

**GIRL: "Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!"**

**RON: "That's Lavender Brown! Racist sister!"**

**CHO: "Hey, it's alright, I'm Cho Chang y'all."**

**HARRY: "She is totally perfect."**

Ginny glared at Harry, who refused to look at her.

**RON: "Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?"**

**HARRY: "What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that- who is that guy?"**

**CEDRIC:**

**"Oh, Cho Chang**  
**I am so in love with Cho Chang**  
**From Bangkok to Ding Dang**  
**I sing my love aloud for Cho Chang"**

"He looks like Prince Charming" smiled Lily dreamily, clutching her bear. Ginny smiled at her daughter fondly and Harry frowned.

**HARRY: "I hate that guy! I hate him."**

**RON: "So, are we gonna get those robes or not?"**

**GINNY: "Okay, alright I'm going!"**

**RON: "God, sister!"**

**GOYLE: "Present your arm nerd! Indian burn hex!"**

Dudley and Harry laughed, while Hermione looked disapproving. The rest just acted confused and seeing that no explanation was forthcoming, continued watching the video.**  
**

**RON: "Oh, Crabbe and Goyle…"**

**HARRY: "Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?"**

**GOYLE: "Well, well, if isn't Harry Potter. You think all because you're famous you can boss everyone around!"**

**HARRY: "No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to pick on guys like Neville!"**

**GOYLE: "Yeah, well I think glasses are for nerds! We hate nerds!"**

Onscreen Goyle broke Harry's glasses and Albus unconsciously petted his glasses, as though comforting them.

**CRABBE: "And girls!"**

"Just as I suspected..." nodded Ron.**  
**

**HARRY: "Oh, my glasses…"**

**RON: "Whoa, well you asked for it! Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord when he was just a baby!"**

**HERMIONE: "Alright, will everybody just calm down Occulus Reparo!"**

**HARRY: "Whoa, cool!"**

**HERMIONE: "And let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone!"**

**HARRY: "Yeah."**

**DRACO: "Did someone say Draco Malfoy?"**

Harry and Ron turned to each other and collapsed upon one another laughing uncontrollably. Malfoy was being played by a very small girl in a blonde wig, wearing diamond earrings and speaking with a really bad English accent; life was so good.

**RON: "What do you want Draco?"**

**DRACO: "Crabbe, Goyle, be a pip and go pay for my robes, will you? So, Potter! Back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber of wizard!"**

The laughter that had been subsiding as Draco spoke was renewed as he struck a pose that was highly reminiscent of the Malfoy they had known.

"What is with this guy?" James questioned his giggling parents but got no response.

**HARRY: "Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world, I wouldn't trade them for anything."**

**DRACO: "Have it your way. Wait, don't tell me…red hair, hand-me-down robes, and a stupid complexion; you must be a Weasley!"**

Ron's ears turned red and Ginny gave a very feline hiss to the computer screen.

"Aw…you don't have a stupid complexion." Hermione cooed and kissed her husband on the cheek, making him perk up a bit.

**RON: "Oh my God, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass okay, but she's my pain in the ass."**

Ginny returned to looking insulted. "Why is everyone so mean to you Mummy?" asked Lily her eyes wide.

"That's exactly what I want to know, I'm nothing like that!" Ginny huffed, crossing her arms. Ron would have laughed at that, but was too afraid of Ginny's infamous Bat Bogey hex to do it.

**DRACO: "Well, isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family! Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs…Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!"**

Dudley chuckled at the ridiculous name; it was no better than Hogwarts in his mind.

"I'm sorry, what did he say?" asked Harry.

James cut back and Malfoy's line was repeated. "Yeah, that's what I thought he said." Looking no less baffled. What Wizarding school was this?

**MALFOY:**  
**"This year you bet I'm gonna get outta here**  
**the reign of Malfoy is drawing near**  
**I'll have the greatest wizard career,**  
**and its gonna be totally awesome"**

Malfoy's character threw his hands up in the muggle symbol for rock-on and Harry had to wonder what Malfoy would think if he could see this and then if he would even know what the gesture meant.

**"Look out world, for the dawn of the day**  
**When everyone will do whatever I say**  
**And that Potter won't be in my way, and then**  
**I'll be the one who is totally awesome!"**

**GOYLE:**  
**"Yeah you'll be the one who is totally awesome."**

**HERMIONE: "Come on guys! Were gonna miss the train!"**

"Yes, we definitely don't want a repeat of the last time you guys missed the train." Ginny said giving her husband a look that was half admonishment half hilarity.  
"Why, what happened that time?" asked James excitedly.

Once again, before Harry could speak up Hermione cut in. "Your father and Uncle Ron flew Grandpa Weasley's car into a tree and got detentions."

"Really?" gasped James.

"Yes, and if you even think about trying it James Sirius Potter, you'll be grounded for a month." snapped Ginny. James sighed disappointedly.

**ALL:**  
**"Who knows how fast this years gonna go?**  
**Hand me a glass, let the butterbeer flow"**

Dudley's face became dreamy with the thought of butterbeer; seemingly a combination of his two favorite things, butter and beer.

**HARRY:**  
**"Maybe at last, I'm gonna talk to Cho,"**

**RON:**  
**"Oh no, that be WAY too awesome"**

**ALL:**  
**"Were back to learn everything that we can**  
**It's great to come back to where we began**  
**And here we are, and alakazam! here we go, this is totally awesome!**

**Come on and teach us everything you know**  
**The summers over and were itchin' to go**  
**I think were ready for-"**

**NEVILLE:**  
**"Albus Dumbledore! Oooooo**  
**Ahhhhhh."**

All of the Hogwarts grads smiled at the thought of seeing Dumbledore and then frowned at the musical's interpretation. This pudgy guy with the Boston accent was supposed to be Dumbledore?

"Hey, there's your namesake again!" James smirked at Al, who seemed to be pondering his parent's ability to choose suitable names.**  
**

**DUMBLEDORE:**  
**"Welcome, all of you to Hogwarts**  
**I Welcome back you all to school**  
**Did you know that here at Hogwarts**  
**Weve got a hidden swimming pool?"**

"Well if you count the prefects bathroom I guess there is." remarked Hermione.**  
**

**"Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts**  
**Welcome, all you hotties, nerds, and tools**  
**Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts**  
**I'd like to go over just a couple of rules:**

**My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am headmaster here at Hogwarts. You can call me Dumbledore! Of course you also call me Albus, if you wanted detention. I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus!"**

The kids giggled at the funny headmaster. Al was regaining a bit of faith in one namesake now.

**ALL:**  
**"Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts**  
**to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts**  
**it's all that I love, and all that i need.**  
**at HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, **

**Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends**  
**To Gryffindors! **  
**Hufflepuffs!**  
** Ravenclaws!**  
**Slytherins!**  
**Back to the place where our story begins**  
**It's Hogwarts, Howarts," **

**DUMBLEDORE:**  
**"Im sorry, whats its name?"**

**ALL:**  
**"Hogwarts, Hogwarts**"

**DUMBLEDORE:**  
**"I didn't hear you kids!"**

**ALL:**  
**"Hogwarts, Hogwarts**"

**HARRY:**  
**"Man, Im glad I'm back."**

"Now I want to go back." grumbled Ron smiling at his wife and best friend. "Me too." muttered the alumni and shockingly Dudley, who flushed again at the admission of magic possibly being...cool.

Ginny spoke up in the awkward silence. "Act three then?"

**A/N: Another abrupt ending, ah well. Please review! :) Are there any other characters would you like to see?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)**

**A/N: I've updated four times (if you include all my stories) in as many days. I would like to take a moment just to give myself a pat on the back. I would also like to thank you, the readers, without whom, none of this would have been possible. *Bursts into tears and runs off stage* **

**Okay, melodramatic moment over. I think I'm going to start a poll (if I can figure it out) about what character, if anyone should be added to the story. So if it's not up here after you read, then check back tomorrow and it should be up by then so you guys can vote! This is so exciting!  
**

**P.S.- You reviewers are totally awesome!**

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****Chapter 3**

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The atmosphere in the room was tense as everyone waited for the video to load up. James, impatient as ever, was about to yell something about the internet being frozen, when the it suddenly started playing and everyone screamed "Shush!"

**DUMBLEDORE: "Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! And a very special welcome to my favorite student Mr. Harry Potter!"**

The children all cheered.

**RON: "Woo!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "He killed Valdemort when he was just a baby, he's even got that little lightening scar on his forehead to prove it. And another very special welcome to our newest addition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny- excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley."**

Ron snorted and Harry, avoiding his wife's eyes, tried his best to not look at all amused.

**GINNY: "Yeah, I'm a girl and also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the uh… sorting hat?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Well a funny thing happened to the sorting hat, he actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the scarf of sexual preference aren't going to be back until next year. Basically I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care."**

Ron sniggered and Hermione threw them a reproachful glance.

**CEDRIC: "Hufflepuffs are particularly good **_**finders**_**."**

**DUMBLEDORE: "What the **_**hell**_** is a Hufflepuff?"**

The adults all laughed, it was quite hard to imagine Dumbledore ever saying that.

"**Anyway, it's time now for me to introduce my very good friend and our own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape."**

"Albus…" James sang, "Your namesake is back!"

**RON: "Oh man, I was hoping they fired that guy!"**

"Ron!" cried Hermione slapping his shoulder for good measure.

"What?" he objected. "It's not like it's really me saying that!"

Hermione ignored him.

**GINNY: "What's wrong with Professor Snape?"**

**RON: "Uh nothing, he's just uh… evil!"**

Hermione gave him a condescending look and Ron repeated, "What?"

**HARRY: "Oh, come on Ron, he's really not that bad."**

Two-thirds of the trio turned to face Harry who seemed just as shocked as anyone that he had been the one to say that. "Well, he's not." he defended.

They all were distracted by the appearance of said Professor. The trio, Ginny, James, and Lily all were gasping for breath through their laughter; Albus but his face to his palm, and Dudley looked frightened by the wide-eyed bat-like person.

**SNAPE: "Harry Potter…Detention."**

**HARRY: "What?"**

**SNAPE: "For talking out of turn…"**

Ron raised an eyebrow at Harry as if to say "You were saying?"

"**Now, before we begin I'm going to give you all your very, very first… pop quiz! Can anyone tell me what a port key is? Oh yes, Ms. Granger?"**

**HERMIONE: "A port key is an enchanted object that when touched will transport one or ones who touch it to anywhere in the globe decided on by the enchanter."**

Harry, Ron, and Ginny all smirked at Hermione's portrayal.

**SNAPE: "Oh, very good…Now can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is? Yes, Ms. Granger?"**

**HERMIONE: "Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way."**

**SNAPE: "Perfect…"**

**RON: "Wait, what's a port key again? I missed that one."**

"You _would_ be the one not listening…" huffed Hermione.

**HERMIONE: "A port key is something that when you touch it will transport you anywhere."**

**SNAPE: "And remember, a port key can be any sort of seemingly harmless object, like a football…a dolphin…"**

Everyone laughed at the mental image of a grinning dolphin as a port key. The trio and Ginny were all silently wishing that _this_ had been the Snape that they had, had. This one was fantastic.

**LAVENDER: "Professor…? Could like a person be a port key?"**

**SNAPE: "No, that's absurd. Cause then if a person were to touch themselves…they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a horcrux."**

The trio gaped at the television screen and Ron made little choking sounds.

**HARRY: "What's uh, what's a horcrux?"**

**SNAPE: "I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough."**

"Typical." muttered Harry and he chuckled darkly. The laughter was a bit freaky and everyone turned to him warily, wisely choosing not to comment.

**HERMIONE: "Professor, what is the point of this quiz?"**

**SNAPE: "Oh, no, no, no point in particular…Just important information that everyone should know…Especially you! Now, moving right along…There are four houses in all, Gryffindor-"**

**GRYFFINDORS: "Woo!"**

Ron and Harry cheered along with them.

**SNAPE: "-Ravenclaw-"**

**RAVENCLAWS: "Ow!"**

**SNAPE: "-Hufflepuff-"**

**HUFFLEPUFFS: "Find!"**

**SNAPE: "-What? And Slytherin…"**

**SLYTHERINS: "Yes…"**

Harry and Ron hissed, the first sounding more snakelike because of his being a parselmouth.

**SNAPE: "Now traditionally- traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking…example; ten points from Gryffindor!"**

**HARRY: "What..?"**

**SNAPE: "For Ms. Granger's excessive pep."**

**HARRY & RON: "Thanks Hermione…"**

Hermione rolled her eyes.

**SNAPE: Traditionally, the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup, however this year, we're doing things a bit differently…Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Dark Arts…Professor Quirrell!"**

**HARRY: "Ow! Ow! Ow!"**

**HERMIONE: "What's wrong?"**

"My scar." Harry answered and Hermione turned to him with a pitying look to say "They can't hear you Harry."

"Why would your scar hurt?" asked Albus, James and Dudley nodded in agreement with the question.

Harry waved a hand wearily. "It's a long story, and they'll probably tell you soon anyway."

**QUIRRELL: "The House Cup…a time honored tradition…For centuries-"**

**DRACO: "Go home terrorist!"**

**QUIRRELL: "For centuries, the four houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of house champion. But where does this competition come from, and what are the…roots of the tradition?"**

**HERMIONE: "The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students."**

Harry and Ron smiled fondly. Hermione looked put-out; she was not that much of a know-it-all!Ginny saw this and rubbed her back, whispering "It's alright, my character is way-off too." Unsurprisingly, this did not make Hermione feel any better.**  
QUIRRELL: "That was a rhetorical question…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Granger, quit interrupting, twenty points from Gryffindor."**

**RON: "Thanks Hermione…"**

**QUIRRELL: "As I was saying…When the tournament first originated, it was one of a completely different sort…One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks…challengers would not only win the cup but eternal glory."**

"I'm so confused! What year is this supposed to be?" demanded Harry. Harry frowned; It was like they had taken bits and pieces of all his years and stuck them into one year…

**HERMIONE: "Kind of like a House Cup, or no- like a Triwizard Tournament."**

**QUIRRELL: "Yes, sort of like the Triwizard Tournament, except no, not like that at all…There are four houses, how can it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?"**

**HERMIONE: "Well, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task."**

**QUIRRELL" "Yes, the competition is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks!"**

**HERMIONE: "I don't think you heard me, I just said somebody died!"**

"Is that Hermione contradicting a teacher? Blasphemy!" yelled Ron.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly lopsided mouth and quit interrupting! Twenty more points!"**

Harry and Ron couldn't help it this time, they laughed hysterically under Hermione's wrathful gaze.

**HARRY & RON: "Thanks Hermione!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you sure can be a dumb-ass sometimes…Ten points to Dumbledore!"**

This brough out a fresh round of hysterics.

"My Auntie is not a dumb-ass!" screeched Lily, leaping up from her seat in her indignance. Everyone who wasn't laughing already cracked up.

**QUIRRELL: "Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And, as the Professor of the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-"**

**AH-CHOO!**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Did your turban just sneeze?"**

**QUIRRELL: "W-what? No."**

**DUMBLEDORE: "I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from the back of your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving."**

**QUIRRELL: "No, that was simply a fart, excuse me."**

The children and Dudley giggled; he said fart.

However, Harry's face became pensive. "Well, Voldemort was, in his own words, more vapor than spirit and he was never exactly pleasant; a fart is probably the best description of him at that time." he reasoned. Ron snickered.

**AH-CHOO!**

**HARRY: "Ow! Ow! Ow!"**

**AH-CHOO!**

**QUIRRELL: "I must be going…"**

**HARRY: "Ow…"**

Lily wandered over to Harry and kissed his scar. "There!" she said triumphantly "All better!"

Harry pulled her into his lap and said "Thanks, love. I feel much better now."

**AH-CHOO!  
QUIRRELL: "I simply farted once more, excuse me!"**

Dudley and the kids giggled again.

**DUMBLEDORE: "In accordance with the newly resurrected House Cup, the champions from each house will be selected to compete! Now Snape, will you do the honors please?"**

**SNAPE: "Yes, Headmaster... First, from the Ravenclaw house… a Ms. Cho Chang!"**

**CHO: "Oh my God, I won! Can you believe that y'all?"**

**SNAPE: "Next, from Hufflepuff… a Mr. Cedric Diggory…"**

Harry's face fell, realizing what was going to happen and Ginny put her head on his shoulder. Hermione drew closer to Ron.

Dudley, actually being observant for a change, noticed their reactions and something clicked. Echoing in his mind he heard moaning, _"No! Not Cedric! Don't kill Cedric!" _He gulped, this wasn't good.

**CEDRIC: "Well, I don't **_**find**_** this surprising at all…"**

**CHO: "Now, I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend…"**

**CEDRIC: "I'm glad as well, my darling!"**

**SNAPE: "And next, from the Slytherin house…a Draco Malfoy!"**

**DRACO: "Hah! Ho! I've finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think about that, huh? I'm the champion this time!"**

Harry looked faintly disgusted at the idea of Malfoy rolling in his lap as the one on stage was doing.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Draco, would you sit down, you little shit? Champion's just a title!"**

The tension, which had been stifling, was broken and everyone broke out into laughter. Ron was crying, he was laughing so hard.

James yelled to Albus, "Forget everything I said, your namesake is brilliant!"

**SNAPE: "And finally, from the Gryffindor house…Oh my…well isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well **_**lose**_** his life…"**

Harry groaned.

**NEVILLE: "If it's me, I-I'll just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now for losing."**

"Aww…Neville…" sighed Ginny. He had been so insecure back then.

**SNAPE: "Sit down, you inarticulate bumble! It's Harry Potter!"**

**RON: "Woo!"**

**HARRY: "What..? Uh-huh…Oh yeah!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Well there you have it folks, your four Hogwarts Champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything. So, let's get to it! "**

"Yes, let's! To Act Four!" shouted Ron pointing ferociously at the screen as though wielding a sword. Everyone just stared and he sat down meekly mumbling, "Just play the video…"

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**A/N: Woo! Please Review! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)**

**A/N: Okay, I've been getting some questions about whether or not I'll be doing A Very Potter Sequel version of this as well and the answer is...maybe. It depends on how quickly I am able to get this done and whether I still feel like making this after I've finished it. I'm heading into college in less than a month and their internet is supposedly not the best... I think I'm probably going to die. :(**

**Also, I only got two votes on the poll, and they were for different things, so I flipped a coin and chose the winner. **

**Again, thank you to all the totally awesome reviewers and I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

**Chapter 4**

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"Hold on a second, Ron. After watching Malfoy roll around on the floor in the last video, I realized that there's someone missing out on all the fun." Harry grinned a wide Cheshire cat grin and pulled a light purple piece of parchment. He scribbled a quick message on it, folded it neatly into a paper airplane and tapped his wand, making it vanish.

"What was that?" asked Dudley hoarsely. After all these years, magic still freaked him out.

"Ministry memo." Harry said shortly. A few minutes later, a tall blonde man spun into existence in the center of the room, clutching the now crumpled up paper airplane in his fist. "Ah Malfoy, welcome."

Draco Malfoy faced his childhood nemesis and sneered, "Potter, what is this about? I don't have time to pop in and out all over the country, I have a job you know."

"Like we wanted you here anyway, Malfoy." Ron shot back defiantly.

"_Apparently_, you did, that _is_ why I am here after all." Drawled Malfoy.

Harry explained, "I called him here to watch the video, I thought he might find it interesting." Harry smirked.

"A voleo? What nonsense is this?" asked the aristocrat disdainfully.

"It's a video about our years at Hogwarts and of course you're in it."

"Well, it wouldn't be any good if I wasn't." stated Malfoy, buffing his nails.

Harry rolled his eyes, "Right…so sit down and we'll watch it."

Surprisingly, Malfoy acquiesced without argument. Dudley pressed play.

**RON: "Harry, you got this tournament in the bag."**

**HARRY: "I don't know man, Cedric Diggory…he's pretty awesome- **_**not**_**! He **_**sucks**_**! I'm totally gonna win, it's in the bag!"**

"Oh, you are _so_ arrogant Potter…" declared Malfoy with a roll of the eyes. In the process, he caught sight of the mirror hanging above the mantle and was distracted by the fact that a few hairs were out of place.

No one bothered to say anything back as it was obvious that Malfoy could prove their opinion on the subject without their help.

**HERMIONE: "I-I don't know Harry…"**

**RON: "Oh my God, Hermione, shut up! Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?"**

"I do not!" asserted Hermione. Ron a simply pulled her closer and kissed her on the cheek.**  
HERMIONE: "Because Ron, this is dangerous!"**

**HARRY: "Dangerous? Oh come on Hermione, how dangerous could it be, especially for me?"**

**HERMIONE: "Well, you're not invincible Harry, somebody died in this tournament."**

**HARRY: "Uh, I'm the boy-who-lived, not died, God! What's the worst that could happen?"**

Malfoy held out both hands towards the screen as if to say, "What did I tell you?"

Harry was not bothered, he knew that Malfoy's character would be returning sooner rather than later, since he was supposedly a champion, and that would be worse for Malfoy's ego than anything he could possibly say.

**HERMIONE: "And I don't know about that Quirrell character, first he resurrects some horrible ancient tournament, then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt, and you have to admit, there's something really **_**funky**_** about the back of his head!" **

**HARRY: "Come on, think about it, Quirrell is a professor and who hires professors-?"**

**HARRY & RON: "Dumbledore!"**

**HARRY: "He's the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard- beautiful wizard in the whole world! Why-why, would he possibly hire someone who's trying to hurt me?"**

"_Beautiful_, Potter?" Draco queried raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Ron cracked his knuckles threateningly. Harry really hoped Malfoy's character would return soon.

**HERMIONE: "Well, what about Snape?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah, what about him?"**

**HERMIONE: "He's hated you for years! And he's hated your parents too Harry, everybody knows that. And he just so happens to pick your name out of the house cup out of hundreds, if not five possible Gryffindors?" **

**HARRY: "Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!"**

**HERMIONE: "No Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a **_**lot**_** of enemies, ones you may not even know about."**

**HARRY: "Okay, so let me get this straight, you're saying this tournament is one big ploy to try and kill me."**

Harry almost smiled. "Yeah, what are the odds of that actually happening?" Hermione shoved him playfully.

**HERMIONE: "I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it."  
HARRY: "Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out."**

**HERMIONE: "Oh, thank you Harry!"**

"You're too noble Harry." Ron commented lazily.

**RON: "Wait- wait, what? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you would win?"**

**HARRY: "Hey, eternal glory- I've already got that. Besides, Neville will be a great champion!"**

**RON: "No, no, no! I do not want Schlongbottom to be my champion!" **

Harry, Ron, Dudley and Draco laughed simultaneously and then immediately stopped to glare at each other.

**HERMIONE: "Harry look, all you have to do- Oh look there's Dumbledore! All you have to do is just talk to him now and tell him that you're dropping out?"**

**HARRY: "Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really cool, we're super tight and I don't want to make him think I'm being lazy, or disaffecting him, so can you just- why don't you tell him, just tell him I want to work on school or somethin' alright? Hey, you got this one- you're the best! Go on, you got it."**

Hermione watched Actor-Harry tap Actress-Hermione's nose and turned to Harry fiercely to remark, "If you ever do that to me, I will smack you."

Unconciously, Malfoy rubbed his cheek as though to ward away the sting of Hermione's slap from third year.

**HERMIONE: "Okay…"**

**HARRY: "Don't worry about it."**

**HERMIONE: "Dumbledore?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Yes, Granger?"**

**HERMIONE: "Uh, I need to talk to you for a moment, it's about the House Cup tournament. Um, well first of all, I think it's an **_**awful**_** idea, but um, second of all, I don't think that Harry Potter should compete."**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Granger…why do you always have to be such a big ol' stick in the mud? Huh, pray tell me why Harry Potter shouldn't compete?"**

**HERMIONE: "Uh, because he- wants to study!"  
DUMBLEDORE: "Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts, except for you!"**

**HERMIONE: "Gah! Okay, well he wants to focus on the O.W.L.s!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks **_**I'm**_** cool, **_**we're**_** tight!" **

**HERMIONE: "No! Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I think it's a ruse, a set-up and I even think Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter."**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met! Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?"**

Everyone in the room, including Malfoy blanched at the idea of Snape being _sexy_. It just gave them all images of Snape that made them shiver with disgust.

**SNAPE: "Oh, why Professor Dumbledore…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Oh!"**

**SNAPE: "I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this…**_**delicious sandwich**_**!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Why thank you, Severus! You see Granger, how thoughtful!"**

**HERMIONE: "Uh…"**

**SNAPE: "Here you are Professor, bomb-appetite! I mean- bon-appetite!"**

**HERMIONE: "Um…is that sandwich ticking?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "It looks like it's licking; finger-licking good!"**

**HERMIONE: "Uh…Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Why Granger? You gotta listen to Snape more often, you might even get a sandwich out of it!"**

Ron gulped, "I don't think I'd want any sandwich that Snape makes…"

This was confirmed when the Hermione onscreen grabbed the sandwich and threw it off stage and it was followed by a huge **BOOM!**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Granger, what are you doing? Dog-gone it you exploded my sandwich!"**

**HERMIONE: "I'm sorry, sir!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Hey, even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger, he has to compete! You see that cup?"**

**HERMIONE: "Yes!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "It's enchanted! Whosever's name comes out of the cup has to compete, or the results would be bad…"**

**HERMIONE: "What do you mean, bad?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."**

**HERMIONE: "A total protonic reversal!"**

Dudley and Hermione chuckled at the Ghostbusters reference.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Yeah…so you see, Harry Potter has to compete. And Hermione, if it makes you feel any better, the last guy who died in the tournament was a Hufflepuff, so um…so I'll keep my eyes open and nothing is gonna get past old Dumbledore!"**

Malfoy laughed openly at this and promptly received death glares from all of the Gryffindors.

**HERMIONE: "Alright…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Now I gotta go make myself another sandwich, although I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one- the last one ticked!" **

**HERMIONE: "'Cause it was a **_**bomb**_**!"**

Harry, Ron, and Ginny laughed at their friend.

"**Harry I'm so sorry, but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup tournament. But don't worry, I won't rest until I find out what the first task is gonna be!"**

**RON: "And I'll sabotage all the other champions, so that you win by default."**

Harry laughed, "Thanks, Ron."

"Anytime, mate." Ron joked back.

**HARRY: "Alright, awesome!"**

What they saw next caused everyone in the room, barring Malfoy to grow wicked smiles while the latter donned a look of horror. Draco was being carried in by Goyle bridal-style, and said a typical Malfoy phrase, only in a voice was about three times higher than his.

**DRACO: "Well…isn't this **_**touching**_**!"**

**RON: "Oh my God, just butt out Malfoy!"**

The blonde wigged actress rolled across the floor until he was laying in front of the trio in a pose out of woman's fashion magazine. "That is _not_ me." Malfoy stated faintly.

"Oh, you bet your wand it is." Harry said cheerfully.

**DRACO: "Goyle and I have a bet you know? He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament…I disagree…I think you wouldn't last five minutes at Pigfarts!"**

Malfoy could be heard muttering "_Pig farts_…I'm talking about pork gas…?"

**HARRY: "What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?"**

**DRACO: "Oh…never heard of it? Ha, figures…famous **_**Potter**_** doesn't even know about Pigfarts…"**

The adults uproariously with the children as the girl on stage rolled off of a bench. Malfoy was now hiding his face so as not to look at his writhing doppelganger.

**HARRY: "Malfoy, don't act like you don't want to talk about it, this is like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts- what is Pigfarts?"**

**DRACO: "Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy!"**

**HERMIONE: "Malfoy, I've never heard of that."**

**DRACO: "That's because Pigfarts, is **_**on**_** Mars…"**

"No…" moaned Malfoy.

**HARRY: "Alright Malfoy, you know we're trying to have a conversation here, so if you could just leave us alone…?"**

**DRACO: "Oh! No, I'm not even here…"**

The trio began speaking quietly about how they could find out the first task from Dumbledore when they were interrupted again.

**DRACO: "Dumbledore? What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar!"**

**GOYLE: "RUMBLEROAR!"**

The whole room shook with laughter and Malfoy was frightened from his near hysterical state.

**HARRY: "Anyway, I was saying-"**

**DRACO: "Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts! He's a **_**lion**_**, who can **_**talk**_**."**

Angered from the continued giggles and his counterpart's actions, Malfoy stood shouting, "LIONS DON'T TALK!" Harry and Dudley were having flashbacks to Uncle Vernon's rants about imagination.

**HARRY: "Malfoy, if you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here, it's not like- what are you doing? You're not even eating, get out of here!"**

**DRACO: "Well, I can't help it if we can hear everything you say, we're the only ones in here."**

**HARRY: "Well just- come on Malfoy, just get out of here, please?"**

**DRACO: "Where are we supposed to go?"  
HARRY: "Uh, I don't know- uh, Pigfarts?"**

**DRACO: "Oh, ha-ha-ha. Now you're just being cute! I can't just **_**go**_** to Pigfarts, it's **_**on Mars**_**! You **_**need**_** a rocket ship! Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you **_**do**_**…You know not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died…Look at this- look at this- Rocket-ship Potter! Oh, oh **_**Starkid**_** Potter! **_**Moonshoes**_** Potter! Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts! Ooh!"**

Harry appeared repulsed, "Why, Malfoy, do you keep climbing in my lap?"

"Trust me, Potter, it wasn't my idea." Malfoy groaned.

**HARRY: "Alright, that's it! This is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't **_**care**_** if you make fun of me, but if you bring my parents into this, it's a whole other story."**

"You always were sensitive about them." commented Dudley, remembering Aunt Marge.

**DRACO: "Whoa- not so fast! Crabbe, Goyle!"**

**HARRY: "Oh, sure just walk-"**

**GOYLE: "BACK OFF NERD!"**

Draco laughed derisively. If his character had to be an idiot at least Potter would be too.

**HARRY: "Whoa!"**

**DRACO: "Not so tough now, are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend!"**

Draco smirked at the last comment; that was more like it.

**HERMIONE: "Oh…that is it, Malfoy! **_**Jelly-legs jinx**_**! **

Malfoy sneered, "That's not a _real_ spell."

"You think, Malfoy?" snapped Hermione.

**CRABBE: "Oh, come **_**on**_**!"**

**GOYLE: "Hey, no fair, our legs are jelly!"**

Draco's smirk was wiped off his face and Hermione was looking fiendishly delighted.

**HERMIONE: "Take it back, Malfoy!"**

**DRACO: "Take **_**what**_** back?"**

**HERMIONE: "Take back what you said about your stupid, made-up space school!"**

**RON: "Yeah, and all stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend, that's not even a little bit true…"**

**HERMIONE: "And say you're sorry for calling me a you-know-what!"**

**DRACO: "I'm sorry!"**

**HERMIONE: "And you promise you'll never do it again?"**

**DRACO: "I promise!"**

**HERMIONE: "Right! Now next time we tell you to leave us alone, you better do it!**

"That was just like third year…" smiled Ron reminiscently.

"What happened then?" wondered James aloud.

"Oh, nothing, your Aunt just went ballistic on Malfoy here and hauled off and slapped him." Harry said nonchalantly.

"You're the best Auntie in the whole wide world!" cried James, hugging Hermione tightly. Albus nodded firmly in agreement. Lily just yelled, "See, I told you she wasn't a dumb-ass!"

Ginny rubbed her forehead. She was going to have a long talk with Lily later about appropriate language.

"**Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here…Besides, you already ate all my lunch."**

Hermione sighed, "That sounds about right…"

**RON: "Wow."**

**HARRY: "Thanks Hermione."**

**HERMIONE: "Yeah, **_**un-gellify**_**!**

**RON: "Wow, that was like the most bad-ass thing I've ever seen! Too bad no one was here to see it though, it was like an outburst of pent-up aggression- it was like ARRRGH Hermione!"**

Harry, Ron, and Ginny laughed. It made Hermione sound like a rampaging monster.

**GOYLE: "Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff! We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd!"**

"I am not a nerd!" exclaimed Hermione.

"Yes, you are dear." Ron answered lovingly.

**DRACO: "I didn't mean what I said you know, Pigfarts **_**is**_** real. Am I, am I bleeding…? Goyle?"**

Malfoy ran a hand through his perfect hair angrily. "Ugh, he's such a wimp…"

"You do know that you're talking about yourself, right?" Albus asked, unsure. Malfoy glared at him. "Alright, just checking!"

**GOYLE: "NO!"**

**DRACO: "I thought maybe…may-maybe…wow, I've never been pushed down like that by a girl…Maybe I shouldn't call her a mud- whatever!"**

"Third year…" sang Ron. It gave him great satisfaction to watch Malfoy's fingers twitching as if to grab his wand and curse them all into oblivion.

**GOYLE: "I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter curse was just un-gellify!"**

**DRACO: "Yeah right, I'm not surprised. Come on let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place!"**

Malfoy, apparently having had enough, stood up violently and disapparated without another word.

Ron shrugged. "Well, can't say I'll miss him."

"I'll be watching this again in my penseive later…" Harry added cheerfully.

"And on that note, time for the next one!" smiled Hermione, reaching forward to press the button.

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**A/N: How was it? Please review and let me know... :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)**

**A/N: Hello everyone! This chapter was originally going to be out much earlier today but Lillith (my laptop/friend) was attacked by a big bad virus and I ended up spending countless hours and a chunk of my paycheck to save her. But, Lillith is back in action and here is the 5th chapter!**

**Thank you all for the reviews, they're really sweet and when I start feeling like my writing is crap, I read those and feel better. :)**

**Chapter 5**

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As the black video screen materialized, the group sat transfixed by the loading symbol that revolved in smooth circles. Finally, the circle disappeared mid-revolution and the image of Quirrell filled up the box.

The man was alone in what was most likely to be his private rooms. "This could be interesting…" Harry thought aloud.

"What do you mean?" asked Ginny.

Harry's eyes gained a far away look as if imagining something beyond what they could see. "Can you imagine what it would have been like to live with Voldemort on the back of your head, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week?"

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny all shuddered. Ron and Hermione because they could not stand the thought of it and Ginny because she had lived through something similar if not worse; after all at least Quirrell had volunteered for such a violation of mind, body, and spirit.

Dudley turned to them in shock and horror. "He's got a w-wizard on the back of his head?" However, he was ignored as Quirrell had begun to speak.

**QUIRRELL: "Fools! They're all fools. They think they're safe, they think they're back for another year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts, little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses…Or should I say, on the back of their heads?"**

**VOLDEMORT: "AH!"**

Dudley screamed in utter terror, sounding remarkably like a banshee. Once they got past the shock, no one could hold in their laughter and Dudley sneered at them all; they were just jealous because he could hit a high C and they couldn't. Yes, that was why they were laughing...bitter freaks.

"**I can't **_**breathe**_** in that damn turban!"**

**QUIRRELL: "I'm sorry my Lord, it's a necessary precaution! For if they knew that you lived, that when Harry Potter destroyed you your soul lived on…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest eating bugs and mushrooms and, **_**ugh**_**, unicorn blood…"**

"Unicorns?" screeched Lily, searching her father's face for confirmation of the atrocity. Unicorns were Lily's favorite animal, she always went on about how she would hug him, and feed him, and groom him, and love him, if they would just get her one.

Harry looked sadly at his daughter. "Yes honey, Voldemort was a very evil man."

Lily stuck her chin forward defiantly and declared, "If he wasn't dead already, I'd ride on an army of unicorns and we'd stamp on him til he learned his lesson."

"That is probably the best idea I have heard on how to deal with Voldemort." admitted Ron, impressed with the six year-old's simplistic, yet satisfying, solution.

**QUIRRELL: "Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes…nobody must know any of that…Now Quirrell, get me some water! Now Quirrell, pour it in my mouth!"**

Everyone had a laugh at Voldemort's struggle to drink the water Quirrell was offering; he looked like a gerbil drinking from its' water dropper.

**QUIRRELL: "Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts is going swimmingly my liege!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "**_**Yes, yes, yes**_**, I'm done with the water! We must not have anymore foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall! "**

**QUIRRELL: "I'm sorry my Lord, **_**you**_** sneezed!"**

Harry gasped; it took a lot of guts to tell Lord Voldemort that he, not you, was in the wrong. He'd never suspected Quirrell of having that kind of nerve.

**VOLDEMORT: "I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine! Wash that turban! It tickles my nose…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Yes, my Dark King!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Okay, just relax with the 'Dark King', I watch you wipe your butt daily- you can call me Voldemort, we're there! We've reached that point."**

The married couples died laughing at this statement, they too had long since passed that point in their relationships.

"It's like their married!" Hermione cried giggling in a most un-Hermionish fashion.

**QUIRRELL: "Yes, yes, yes, my- Voldemort!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so **_**close**_** I could have touched him! Revenge is at my fingertips Quirrell, I can taste it…it tastes like…cool mint…"**

Harry raised an eyebrow at this; his arch-nemesis was so strange.

**QUIRRELL: "That's our Listerine, Voldemort!"**

Dudley, Hermione, and Harry, who now understood, chuckled at that.

Albus began, "What's-?"

"Mouthwash." Dudley answered cutting him off quickly.

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes…excellent. Well Quirrell…Good night Quirrell."**

**QUIRRELL: "Good night."**

"Trust me, sleeping with Voldemort in your head never makes for a 'good' night." stated Harry.

"Or for anyone else in the room." added Ron, frowning at the resurfacing memories of waking up to Harry's terrified screams.

They were brought back from these dark thoughts by the hilarious sight of Voldemort being forced to lie facing down into the pillow. Harry couldn't imagine that the egomaniacal man would be allow himself to suffer this kind of indignity and apparently the film-Voldemort agreed.

**VOLDEMORT: "Okay, okay, I can't do this! You gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy."**

More laughter; Voldemort just said 'tummy'.

**QUIRRELL: "No, I always sleep on my back, I have back trouble- that's the only way I'm comfortable…"  
VOLDEMORT: "You roll over right now, or I'll- I'll eat your pillow! You'll be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow, but really you'll wake up and your favorite goose feather pillow will be missing!"**

"I think I did that once…" Ron said thoughtfully, scratching his head as he tried to remember.

"You did, only it was my pillow, not yours." Hermione told him sourly.

"Oh…" he said dumbly, ears scarlet. "Sorry, about that."

**QUIRRELL: "Fine, we'll compromise! We'll sleep on our side!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Okay, I guess I can do this."**

**QUIRRELL: "Now, good night!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Good night Quirrell."**

The watched, amused as Voldemort's eyes began darting towards the dirty clothes hanging on the chair and back again.

"**Hey **_**Quirrell**_**, how long have those robes been on that chair?"**

**QUIRRELL: "I think they're from last night, I just put them there for now."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan with these?"**

**QUIRRELL: "I figured I'd just leave them there for now and that I'd put them away in the morning, okay?"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Uh, **_**no**_**! No, that's not okay! I can't go to sleep knowing there's dirty clothes on that chair, the chair's going to start smelling like dirty clothes!"**

**QUIRRELL: "Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "You put them away RIGHT- NOW! I **_**command**_** you to get up and- fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile…"**

"He sounds like mum." grumbled James.

Ginny's bright brown eyes became hawk-like. "Excuse me, what did you just say?" she questioned venomously. "Did you just compare me to Voldemort?"

Ron, who heartily sympathized with the boy's lack of discretion took over. "Ginny, _calm down _you psycho- he said _Krum_, not _mum_!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry dear, I just over-reacted." Ginny apologized, chastened. She gave James a brief hug, during which he mouthed a profuse "thank-you" to his favorite uncle.

**QUIRRELL: "Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learn to live with each other. Now I've been single for all my life and I have some habits- and sometimes I leave laundry around."**

"Sounds like Harry." muttered Dudley. The rest of the room turned to stare at the man that they had almost forgotten was there. "What," he defended, "I saw your room on summer breaks and it always had stuff thrown everywhere."

No one felt like pointing out that Dudley had his mother as a live-in maid service, while Harry had been left to his own devices.

**VOLDEMORT: "Well, I believe that everything has it's place- **_**muggles**_** have their place, **_**mudbloods**_** have their place, and **_**so do your clothes**_**- namely a **_**dresser**_**!"**

"Mudbloods belong in the Wizarding World you stupid scumbag." hissed Hermione. Ever since the end of the war, Hermione had taken her fervor for S.P.E.W and taken it in a new direction; salvaging the reputation of muggle-borns like herself. Her first step had been to take the derogatory term mudblood and turn it into a title that they could proudly wear. She created the Mudblood Society, a group that had quickly risen in popularity and was now a very prestigious organization devoted to education, politics, and wizarding-muggle relations. All in all, it had been a great success.

**QUIRRELL: "Well, aren't we an odd couple?  
You won't sleep on your tummy."  
VOLDEMORT:  
"You won't sleep on your back."**

"I thought he wanted to sleep on-" started Albus before he felt a hand covering his mouth. There would be no talking during song-time.**  
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:  
"We're quite a kooky couple you'll agree."  
QUIRRELL:  
"We share some hands and fingers"  
VOLDEMORT:  
"And yet the feeling lingers"  
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:  
"We're just about as different as anyone could be"  
VOLDEMORT:  
"You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill"  
QUIRRELL:  
"You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill!  
Sipping tea by the fires swell…"  
VOLDEMORT:  
"Pushing people in is fun as well!  
I like folding all my ties"  
QUIRRELL:  
"And you have no friends, hey that's a surprise!"**

Everyone was leaning on each other for support, as by now they were laughing so hard they had lost control of motor functions.**  
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:  
"I guess it's plain to see  
when you look at you and me  
we're different  
different  
as can be!"**

**VOLDEMORT:  
"You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of lords!"  
QUIRRELL:  
"I'm the brightest professor here, I've won several awards!"  
VOLDEMORT:  
"My new world is about to unfold…"  
QUIRRELL:  
"You got beat by a two year old!"**

Ron attempted to hi-five Harry, but missed and hit his forehead instead because the tears of laughter in his eyes made it hard for him to see straight. Harry was so shocked by the hi-scar he had received that he choked on his laughter and was sent into a fit of hiccups.**  
VOLDEMORT:  
"I'll kill him this time through and through!"  
QUIRRELL:  
"Or you might just give him another tattoo!"  
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:  
"You really must agree  
when you look at you and me  
were different  
different  
as can-"**

**VOLDEMORT:  
"I'll rise again and I'll rule the world  
But you must help me renew  
For when our plan succeeds-"  
QUIRRELL:  
"Prevails!"  
VOLDEMORT:  
"Part of that world goes to you…"  
QUIRRELL:  
"When I rule the world I'll plant flowers!"**

Hermione and Ginny giggled hysterically; that was so cute.**  
VOLDEMORT:  
"When I rule the world I'll have **_**snakes**_**  
And goblins, and werewolves, and giants, and thestrals,  
a fleet of dementors, and all my Death Eaters!"  
(QUIRRELL: And Jane Austen novels)**

Hermione grinned widely at the usage of a literary reference. However, she was the only one.**  
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:  
"When I rule the world! Hahahaha!"**

"I really liked that song." said Hermione as the video faded to black.

Ginny sighed, "Does anyone else think that they are adorable together?"

"No." the rest stoutly replied.

"But-" she cried.

"No."

"You guys don't have a single romantic bone in your body." huffed Ginny, tossing her long red hair over her shoulder.

Ron blinked disbelievingly. "And moving on from the topic of Voldy's love-life…act six!" he shouted.

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**A/N: Lillith, who loves reviews just like I do, would really appreciate any comments on the chapter. It would def. speed up her recovery. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)**

**A/N: Another chapter finished! I got sixteen reviews last chapter, that's amazing, I've never gotten that many for any chapter for anything I've ever written! Also, not that they will ever know that I did, but I would like to wish a very Happy Birthday to my friends and yours Mrs. J.K. Rowling, Mr. Harry Potter, and last but certainly not least Mr. Joey Richtor! (Hope I spelled that right.) **

**Chapter 6**

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The screen opened up to Harry and Hermione sitting together; Harry was strumming on a guitar and Hermione was writing something on a large pad of paper.

"Dad, you can play the guitar?" shouted James excitedly. "Teach me!" The other two children looked to their father in awe.

"Son, I've never been able to play any instrument, I can't even sing." Harry told them to his kid's disappointment.

"That's for sure. Remember that time we did barraoke at that muggle bar, when we all got so drunk?" Ron smiled reminiscently.

"That's _karaoke_, Ron and no, it's probably a good thing I don't."

Ron started belting out 'I Will Survive' in a screechy voice that made the children giggle and irritated his wife, who silenced him with a spell.

**HERMIONE: "Harry, don't you think you should try and figure out what the first task is going to be? You could actually die if you're not ready."**

**HARRY: "What? Come on…I mean can't you just do it for me, like prepare all my stuff for me? What are you doing right now?"**

**HERMIONE: "I'm writing your potions essay."**

"I would never!" Hermione objected, scandalized by the very idea of her cheating for anyone.

"She might as well have, by the time we finished asking her questions she had re-written two-thirds of it…" Ron muttered to Harry, who nodded fervently. They both knew that they wouldn't have passed their years of Hogwarts without their brainy friend's help.

**HARRY: "Oh, well do that first cause that's due tomorrow. But after that, after that, can you prepare for the first task please…? Thank you, you are the **_**best**_**! You got it. Thanks Hermione."**

Hermione was scowling and her hand was suspiciously close to her wand-pocket.

"**Hey Ginny, come here, I wanna show you somethin' come here…"**

**GINNY: "Hey, Harry Potter…"**

**HARRY: "Listen, I wanna play this song I'm working on. I met this girl that I really, really like and I wanna let her know that she's really special, so I just wanna know what you think. Just for the purposes of now cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'm going to put your name where her name should be, but I don't think that it's going to work out because well...let me give it a shot."**

Ginny looked as though she had her suspicions about where this was leading but she was reserving judgment until something happened.

**"You're tall and fun and pretty  
You're really, really skinny  
Ginny**

**I'm the Mickey to your Minnie  
You're the Tigger to my Winnie  
Ginny**

**Wanna take you to the city  
Gonna take you out to dinny  
Ginny**

**You're cuter than a guinea pig  
Wanna take you up to Winnipeg  
That's in Canada!**

Harry was laughing at the song and Ginny was smiling but she was waiting for the other shoe to drop; she knew things were going too well for her character.**  
**

**Ginny Ginny Ginny Ginny- You know what this doesn't work with your name at all. But I don't know, how does that make you feel, emotionally?"**

"Harry, you have rhyming issues. Every single line rhymed with Ginny." Ron teased, it seemed his voice had returned. "Also, I think that you two as a couple should just not write love songs...first that 'Eyes as Green as a Fresh Pickled Toad' song and now this..." He was now receiving glares from his sister and brother-in-law and questioning looks from Dudley and the kids.

**GINNY: "Wow, wowee Harry Potter!" **

Ginny hissed again; _wowee_, honestly…

**HARRY: "Don't you think, you know, it could make a girl fall in love with me?"**

**GINNY: "Oh, I think it already has…"**

**HARRY: "Awesome, cause it's for Cho Chang!"**

**GINNY: "Oh yeah, she is beautiful…"**

**HARRY: "What are you nuts, beautiful? More like super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot! She's the hottest girl I've ever met, far more attractive, far more appealing, and far more interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends."**

Ginny joined the Females Angry at Harry Potter Organization led by Hermione andHarry decided it was best to move away from his wife and best friend for the moment. He placed himself in a chair somewhat behind Dudley, in the hopes that his cousin's girth could catch any stray spells.

**RON: "Sup Neville? Move, move, move, move, move, move, awesome."**

As Ron's character forced Ginny down the bench and Hermione onto the floor, he too was earning some angry looks.

"**Hey Harry, what's up? So, I was just offstage hanging out with Hagrid and I was- I saw these delivery wizards carrying giant cages into the dungeons. I don't know what that's for…"**

**HERMIONE: "Giant cages! I bet whatever's in those cages has something to do with the first task! Harry we have to find out what it is!"**

**HARRY: "Hey, hey guys, chill. I'm busy."**

Hermione made an angry sound and sent an agitated look at her lazy friend around Dudley's massive form, as his counterpart played a few riffs on his guitar.

**RON: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!"**

**(GINNY: "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!")**

Ginny vowed to have a word with this Starkid Potter about her portrayal in their film.

**HERMIONE: "Guys listen; this could be a matter of life and death!"**

**RON: "Well it doesn't **_**matter**_** because it's after hours, okay? We'll have to sneak out of Gryffindor House and we'll probably get in trouble if we do and even if we do, Schlongbottom over there will probably tell on us!"**

The men all chuckled again at the unfortunately hilarious nickname.

**HERMIONE: "Neville won't tell…"  
NEVILLE: "Oh yes, I certainly will!"**

**RON: "So what are we gonna do?"**

**HERMIONE: "Simple guys, we use the cloak."**

**RON: "Of course."**

**HARRY & RON: "The cloak."**

**GINNY: "Wait, what cloak?"**

**RON: "Shut up!"**

**HARRY: "When I was a little boy at Hogwarts, I got a present- Oh bye, Neville. I got a present my first year at Hogwarts and uh, well it was left to me by my Dad. My Dad is dead. My father's dead. I have a dead father."**

Harry laughed and Hermione commented "You have the most morbid sense of humor, you always have." Harry shrugged.

"**We use it to solve mysteries and stuff, it's my invisibility cloak!" **

They revealed a hot pink, sparkly monstrosity that made Harry and Ron cringe.

"Is that what it really looks like, Dad?" asked Albus. He seemed worried since he was the one who would be getting the cloak. James had already received the Marauder's Map from Teddy earlier in the summer.

"It's pretty Daddy!" shrieked Lily.

**RON: "Yah!"**

**GINNY: "Whoa, oh boy, wowee, Harry Potter! He's got an invisibility cloak! Oh, oh, oh- you know what I would do if I had an invisibility cloak?"**

**HARRY: "Oh, oh man- I would kick uh, I'd kick wiener dogs."**

Lily, ever the animal-lover, glared at her father angrily. "Great," thought Harry "more females mad at me…"

**RON: "And I would pretend to be a ghost and scare people."**

**HERMIONE: "I would use it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror."**

Ron gripped his wife in a hug and said "You are beautiful, sweetie, don't let anybody tell you any different!" The little of Hermione that could be seen through the cocoon Ron had formed around her was scowling.

**HARRY: "That's a bummer."**

**RON: "Jesus."**

**GINNY: "Well actually, I was gonna say that I would fake my own death and then watch people cry at the funeral!"**

Harry frowned at his wife; and they called him morbid.

Ginny caught his frown and shot back, "At least I never actually did that!" and Harry suddenly found great interest in his shoelaces.

**HARRY: "Okay, anyway- let's get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom!"**

**RON: "Whoa, whoa, whoa- where do you think you're goin'?"**

**GINNY: "Um, with you guys…?"**

**RON: "No, no, no way, no kid sisters allowed okay?" **

Ron decided it was time to join Harry in the Men Who Feared For Their Lives Association behind Dudley.

"'**Sides, there's only room enough under this cloak for two people…so uh, come on Hermione, come on…"**

**HERMIONE: "Yes!"**

**GINNY:**

"**The way his hair falls in his eyes  
makes me wonder if he'll  
ever see through my disguise  
and I'm under his spell **

Ron, emboldened by his position behind Dudley sniggered at this and received a bat bogey from Ginny. Although it had not been he who had been attacked, Dudley ran from the room in terror. Harry suddenly felt very exposed.

**everything is falling and I don't know where to land  
everyone knows who he is but they don't know who I am**

**Harry, Harry,  
Why cant you see  
what you're doing to me**

**I've seen you conquer certain death  
and even when you're just standing there you take away my breath  
and maybe someday you'll hear my song  
and understand that all along  
there's something more that I'm trying to say  
when I say**

**Harry, Harry, Harry  
Why can't you see  
what you're doing to me"**

"Mummy your voice is beautiful." Lily exclaimed.

"Thank you, dear." Ginny turned to shoot a smug look at her husband, but noticed how red his face had gotten with embarrassment from the song. Feeling that he had been punished enough for his actions she took a flinching Harry by the hand and led him back to the couch to watch the next video.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)**

**A/N: Okay, back by popular demand... MALFOY! Thank you all for the _wonderful _reviews, I still can't believe I've gotten twenty-two for one chapter. The reviews for six chapters of this story has surpassed the amount for sixteen chapters of my other one- unbelievable. :) Anyways, hope you enjoy it!  
**

**Chapter 7**

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Without warning, there was a loud pop like a cork being shot from a bottle of champagne and there was once again a tall blonde Ex-Death Eater in their midst.

The man resumed his previous chair and did not even spare them as much as a glance. He tapped his foot lightly against the beige carpet and appeared to be just patiently waiting for the movie to begin.

Ron stared openly at the man's audacity. "Er…Malfoy? Can we help you with something?"

"Yeah, I thought you didn't want to watch anymore." stated Harry.

"If you _must _know, I thought that if I am going to sue this Starkid Potter group for slander that I should have further evidence backing it up. To get that I will, regrettably, be forced to watch the rest of this wretched film."

"Are you sure that's why Malfoy? Are you sure you don't just _want_ to watch the movie?"

"Yes, I know that's why Potter." spat Malfoy "Now hurry up and start this pile of filth so I can work on getting money in court."

Dudley wandered back in the room clutching a fairly large bowl of ice-cream as if it was his life-line. He noticed the return of the angry man and hugged the bowl tighter and asked, "When did he come back?"

"Less than a minute ago, now can we please just start up this thing?" Malfoy pleaded.

Afraid to hear even a second more of Malfoy's whining, Ron leaned forward and imitated the movements he had seen James make to start up the musical.

**QUIRRELL: "Master, master! The shipments for the First Task of the tournament have arrived!"**

Malfoy spoke up immediately, "Is that, that stuttering fool Quirrell from first year?"

**VOLDEMORT: "I know Quirrell, I hear everything that you hear."**

"Where is that voice coming from…?" mused Malfoy. Everyone just watched him amused, even Dudley, who was eager to see someone else look like an idiot, not that he was one, at the reveal of the face on the back of Quirrell's head.

However, they were disappointed; when the turban came off Malfoy merely raised his eyebrows and stated, "Well, _that's_ something you don't see everyday…" He noticed the room staring him down in surprise and he asked, "_What_? I spent a year in captivity with the Dark Lord, this definitely isn't the strangest thing I've seen."

**QUIRRELL: "Isn't it wonderful master? We made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn from the cup and soon he will be ours."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes…It's really happening isn't it Quirrell? You know…with the plan going so well maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell, how about we's go out? I hear it's karaoke night down at the Hog's Head."**

Harry and Ron broke into laughter and Ron cried gaspingly, "Can you _imagine_ Voldy singing?" Just about everyone else joined them then, except Dudley who did not really understand, after all the Voldemort he had been watching loved to sing, and Malfoy was determined not to laugh at such plebian thoughts, though his mouth was twitching.

**QUIRRELL: "I don't know…I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Come on Quirrell, you've been working so hard all year…you deserve a night off!"**

**QUIRRELL: "But the papers…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Oh just give them all B minuses and be done with it!"**

Hermione gasped in horror at such a statement. How was anyone to know if they were learning correctly if he just stamped one grade over everyone's papers without even looking at them? Staring in blank horror at the television screen, she missed the many amused looks thrown her way.

**QUIRRELL: "Now that's evil."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Ha, yeah thanks, I am the Dark Lord. Come on…just a few drinks. Hey, we'll try to pick up some chicks!"**

**QUIRRELL: "I wouldn't know what to say, I'm no good at that!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Come on, it'll be fun! You just move your lips and I'll do the talking."**

**QUIRRELL: "Uh…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "**_**Quirrell**_**…**_** man**_**…**_** listen**_**...I may just be a parasite on the back of you head, literally devouring your soul every time I take a breath, but I can **_**see**_** that you're too good a guy to not have a little bit of fun once in a while. You **_**deserve**_** this."**

"I do have to agree with him there," voiced Harry "Any guy who spends a year with Lord Voldemort attached to their body deserves a bit more than a round of drinks."

"Well, we'll have to go out afterwards won't we?" Ginny said grinning. After all hadn't her and Harry gone through that same sort of trauma?**  
**

**QUIRRELL: "Well if you put it that way then yeah let's just go wild tonight!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Wahhaha! That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts and grab your tunic- Quirrell, we are gonna get you laid! Seriously man, back when I had a body- woo- I had **_**mad**_** game with the bitches- just ask Bellatrix Lestrange!"**

Ron spoke in a loud clear voice, "If you think that Voldemort did indeed have 'mad game with the bitches', raise your hand!"

Only Malfoy, Harry, and Ginny raised their hands and they appeared uneasy that they shared opinions on something like that.

"Why?" asked Ron disgustedly.

Harry spoke up first, "I saw what Voldemort was like when he was younger, and he _was _pretty charming."

"Yeah," added Ginny "and he was admittedly quite dishy." It was obvious from how she said it, that there was no attraction to him, it was just a statement of fact.

They all turned to Malfoy who grudgingly answered, "For their reasons and I've heard stories…" he shuddered as though reliving a Bellatrix Lestrange kiss-and-tell moment.

**RON: "Whoa, uh this cloak isn't as big as it used to be…"**

"I remember when we outgrew it…" Ron sighed, "Twas a sad day…" The other two members of the trio nodded in unison.

**HERMIONE: "Shh! Someone's coming!"**

**MALFOY: "Did you just hear something?"**

Malfoy grimaced at the return of his character.

**GOYLE: "No, only quiet. Maybe…one raindrop…"**

**MALFOY: "No matter…tell me Goyle, who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?"**

**GOYLE: "Uh…Oh, Buckbeak for sure."**

"Buckbeak's a guy." Harry stated, then seeing Malfoy turn to him suspiciously he amended, "Was a guy. Yeah, he's been dead since third year though so it doesn't really matter…" he turned back to the screen and tried to ignore the calculating look on Malfoy's face.

**MALFOY: "Crabbe?"**

**CRABBE: "Uh…Winky the house-elf!"**

"Who's that?" asked Malfoy, distracted from the Buckbeak talk.

Harry, who was happy to see him off the subject of Buckbeak answered quickly, "Oh, that was Dobby's girlfriend."

"Dobby…?" Malfoy muttered confusedly, "Why do I know that name…"

Ron spoke up smugly, "He was your old house-elf, Harry tricked your father into freeing him and he worked at Hogwarts up until seventh year." Ron grew sad then and faced his wife and best friend with an apologetic grimace. Hermione hugged him closer and Harry patted him on the back. Dobby would always be missed.

**MALFOY: "Good one. **_**Obscure**_**! You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermione Granger…you know what I would give her on a scale of one to ten, one- one would be the ugliest and ten would be pretty, I would give her…an eight."**

Malfoy saw where this was going and snarled. No way would he ever be in love with that mudblood Granger!

"Wow Malfoy, I'm flattered." Hermione said smirking.

"**An eight point five! Or a nine…Not, not over a nine point eight because there is always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect, **_**like me**_**. That's why **_**I**_** am holding out for a **_**ten**_**- because I'm worth it. Come on, let's go!"**

Everyone, but Malfoy, burst out laughing at this statement and Ron crowed, "You are so not worth it!"

"Tell that to my wife." he sneered back. Malfoy's wife, Astoria Malfoy, was very beautiful and had obviously thought the Malfoy heir _was_ worth it.

**HARRY: "Wow, what a bunch of jerks!"**

**HERMIONE: "Alright, forget them- now where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?"**

**RON: "Well, I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so they should be at the end of this hallway and to the left. Look!"**

**HERMIONE: "A goat?"**

**HARRY: "A goat! God, I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I could do that morally."**

Ron nodded approvingly, "And that's what sets you apart from Aberforth, Harry."

"You know, I'm not quite sure that's what he did to the goats…" Ginny whispered to Hermione grinning. They both broke out in giggles, ignoring their husband's questioning looks.

**SNAPE: "And the goats have all been set for feeding time, Headmaster."**

"This, is supposed to be my head of house? Give me a break…" scoffed Malfoy. All of the Gryffindors were spot on, why were all the Slytherins made out to be idiots?

**DUMBLEDORE: "Feeding time? Dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!"**

**HARRY: "Did he just say dragons?"**

**SNAPE: "Did you just say, 'did he just say dragons?'"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to have **_**shut up Potter**_**!"**

The trio laughed, remembering all the times they had been invisible spying on the adults and it had always seemed as though Dumbledore knew they were there.

**SNAPE: "Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "No, Snape! I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore, like here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow…"**

**SNAPE: "Why, that's **_**absurd**_**!"**

Malfoy burst out laughing at this managing to say, "You know, maybe this musical-thing isn't too bad…"

The trio and Ginny glared at Malfoy and James muttered to Albus, "You're namesakes just keep getting stranger..."

**DUMBLEDORE: "Severus let's go to bed, have you ever seen my room? I have some pretty kickin' posters on my wall…"**

**SNAPE: "Well, I am rather tired…"**

**HARRY: "Oh man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid!"**

"Really, how old am I supposed to be in this musical?" objected Harry. He had hated being called a little boy when he had actually fought the dragon, so how old was he in this scene?

"Aw, Harry it doesn't really matter, you were a little kid for a long time so this could actually be fourth year." Hermione teased. Ron, Malfoy, and Dudley laughed while James and Albus looked miserable; these were the genes that they stood to inherit.

Harry gave her one of his patented death glares "Not feeling so tall anymore are you?"

"Yeah well I'm a girl, it's different." she said smiling smugly.

Harry just huffed, "That's just sexist..."

**RON: "Alright, well maybe it won't be that bad Harry, maybe you'll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan, or I don't know maybe you'll- maybe you'll have like Puff the Magic Dragon or something…"**

Hermione and Dudley laughed at the reference to the cartoon dragons.

"What are those?" Malfoy pondered aloud and everyone else either nodded or continued wearing baffled expressions.

Dudley paused the video and brought up a new tab where he google image searched both dragons. Now the rest laughed and Harry said "Man, I wish that one of those had been my dragon!"

Lily squealed "I want one like Mushu!"

**HERMIONE: "Ron, this is serious okay- Harry could die! Now look, there's still time, we just need to figure out a plan…"**

**HARRY: "Okay well, we should probably do that back in the common room…w-wait where's the invisibility cloak?"**

**RON: "Well, I threw it over on that magical walking chair over there- oh…"**

**HARRY: "Oh, that's- that's gonna be an issue…"**

"Nice. Losing an invisibility cloak- do you even realize how valuable those are?" sneered Malfoy.

"Actually I think I know much better than you, the value of that cloak." said Harry calmly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" the blonde shot back.

"Oh, nothing…" Harry gave a placid smile and buffed his nails on his shirt just as Malfoy had done earlier. There were plenty of things that Malfoy could buy with all of his money, but he still couldn't get his hands on the legendary Peverell Cloak of Invisibility.

Seeing this was going nowhere, Hermione reached across Ron and clicked the link for the next part in the series.

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**A/N: Well, that's the chapter...Now I better go clean my room before my mom realizes I haven't and chops me up into little pieces and feeds me to the pooches. Let me know what you think! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)**

**A/N: Ah! Sorry how long it took for me to write this up you guys, I know you're used to nearly everyday updates, but life has gotten all sorts of in the way recently and I just truly haven't had the time. Anyways enough talk, here is the next chapter and I hope you all enjoy it!**

**P.S.: 100 reviews; amazing!  
**

**Chapter 8**

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The black screen lightened up to reveal Quirrell once again.

**QUIRRELL: "I thought walking home drunk was hard before…"**

Ron and Harry's eyes grew wide with excitement, a drunken Voldemort...this was going to be great. Malfoy did not share this opinion, every time they brought in his former master they made him seem like an idiot and Malfoy himself an even bigger one for following him in the first place. He knew that portraying the former Dark Lord as a drunkard would not help this situation. **  
**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, yeah, we shoulda realized that with the both of us drinking into one belly we'd get twice as drunk! Hahaha…Hey Quirrell, Quirr- Quir- Quirrell- Quirrell, **_**Quirrell**_**- Quirrell- Quirrell you remember that girl you were talking to? You remember the girl you were talking to- well I was talking to her sister on **_**my**_** side…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Oh! So that's why she freaked out when we stood up!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Because they didn't know we were-"**

**QUIRRELMORT: "-One person!"**

Ron tapped his chin thoughtfully and remarked "You know, that sounds freakishly like something that Fred and George would have done."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, they did keep switching up on Angelina at the Yule Ball as a joke."

Hermione's nostrils flared. "They what?" she screeched. That was offensive on so many levels... The boys looked frightened and bewildered, so she turned to Ginny for an ally but the red-head was gazing steadily into her brother's eyes as though frozen in time before she squealed, "That's it, George!"

Ron looked her dead in the eye, worry shining from his blue orbs. "I'm _Ron _remember?"

Harry and Hermione laughed, experiencing deja vu, while Ginny rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "I know who you are, thank you very much. I was just thinking that we should invite George, he would _love _this!"

Ron brightened instantly. "We _should_! Hold on, I'll go and get him!" he cracked out of existence only to return a microsecond later with a very dazed looking George clinging to his arm. The man was still clutching a vibrantly purple box stamped with three elaborately worked W's, which were dumped unceremoniously on the carpet as he ripped himself from his brother's arm.

"What the hell was that?" objected George before catching his little sister's eye and said "I mean, what the _heck _was that?" He winked at his little niece and nephews who smiled brightly at their funny uncle. There were plenty of people who's nerves George would dance all over, but Ginny, with her infamous Bat-Bogey Hex, was not among them.

Dudley, recognizing the one-half of the terrors that had plagued his nightmares in his youth with their tongue engorging sweets nearly broke the chair he was sitting in, in his haste to make himself invisible. Malfoy groaned, face in hands, at the return of the jolly man who had been so irritating at school.

Ron launched into an explanation of the videos they had watched thus far and George lost his anger about being yanked out of his shop without warning, in favor of seeing these movies for himself. George smushed himself in between Harry and Ron on the couch and put an arm around each of them, pulling them inwards by the neck and putting them in very uncomfortable positions. "Comfy George?" Harry groaned shifting to make himself more comfortable.

"Oh yes, very much, thank you for asking Harrykins!" replied George happily, stretching his feet out on the coffee table.

Ginny giggled at her husband's plight and Hermione, seeing she was the only one currently capable, hit the play button.

**QUIRRELL: "You know, I haven't had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nick's- Dick's- **_**Nick's**_** Deathday Party of '91…"**

"He was there?" asked Ron confused.

"I think the better question, Weasel King is why you were there." stated Malfoy, one delicate blonde eyebrow arched.

"All three of us were," said Harry, "I was invited."

"Of course, _Perfect Potter_ famous with with wizard and ghost alike..." drawled Malfoy rolling his eyes.**  
**

Albus spoke up, "You do know that, that makes you sound _exactly _like your character, right?" Malfoy snarled at his rival's miniature, who stuck up two hands in an expression of surrender crying, "Just checking!"

James and George gave him secret low-fives when the blonde wasn't looking.**  
**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah…I haven't had this much fun since…Yeah, well shit, I don't remember ever having this much fun!"**

George's face became white and he haltingly asked, "Are you telling me...that _he_...was on the back of Quirrell's...head?"

Everyone nodded silently at him, even Malfoy, and George's face split into a devilish grin and he continued, "So, you mean to say, that when Fred and I were bouncing snowballs off of the back of Quirrell's turban in third year, that we were really throwing snowballs at You-Know-Who?"

The Hogwarts grads eyes grew wide at the statement and quite a few burst out in a fresh wave of giggles. Not that Malfoy would ever voice it aloud, but he admired the twin's nerve. Of course, they hadn't known it was him either. Yes, there was no way they, scrubby Weasleys, were more courageous than he, heir to the noble Malfoy line.

George wiped an imaginary tear from his eye and commented, "Fred would be so proud, if he were here for this."

**QUIRRELL: "You never had fun…ever? Doing- doing anything? Maybe that's why you're so evil…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, **_**maybe**_**…Definitely to do with the fact that muggles and mudbloods make me sick to my stomach…But ah…Yeah, I guess you could be right I mean, It's kinda funny…"**

**QUIRRELL: "What is it Voldemort?"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Oh it's just that I never- I never- I never really ever…I never really ever- really ever considered another reason for me being so evil, you know? Cause normally I just uh, I just kill people who try to get me to open up, you know? Oops! But it's- it's kinda nice to just um- it's kinda nice to just talk…"**

Everyone was chuckling at this, except for Malfoy who appeared annoyed at the weakness this Voldemort was showing. "Voldemort didn't like to talk things out, he tortured things out..." Malfoy muttered darkly.**  
**

**QUIRRELL: "Yeah…You know, I have to admit, I was kinda nervous when you first demanded that you attach yourself to my soul…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, I could sense that…"**

More laughter. "Now what would be so scary about that?" joked Ron.**  
**

**QUIRRELL: "But, like now I think it's- I think it's kinda cool…It's like having a really close room-mate or even a-"**

**VOLDEMORT: "-Yeah like a slave…like a- like a Death Eater…"**

**QUIRRELL: "No man, it's like…having a friend!" **

**VOLDEMORT: "I've never had a friend before…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Well, looks like you got one now…"**

All of the women and George cooed at the screen, and the rest of the men looked on in disgust.**  
**

**VOLDEMORT: "Huhuhuh… Who would have thought at the beginning of this year that we'd feel like that for each other…? I guess everything is different between us now, huh?" **

**QUIRRELL:  
I guess it's plain to see  
When you look at you and me  
we're different  
different  
as can be**

**VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:  
We simply guarantee  
When you're looking at you and me  
we're different  
different  
as can be**

**QUIRRELL:  
It's a comedy of sorts  
when you're bound to Voldemort**

"Yeah, I'm sure that was a right load of laughs." George sniggered.**  
**

**VOLDEMORT:  
And I'm happy as a squirrel  
Long as I'm with Mr. Quirrell**

"Fred and I used to call him Professor Squirrel..." George voiced reminiscently. He frowned slightly and finished, "He never seemed to like it though..."

"I can't imagine why." said Malfoy and Hermione in unison, causing them to turn to one another in abject horror. They were _not _alike.

George grinned clasping his hands together and mock-swooning. "Aw...if you weren't with my brother Hermy, I'd say you guys would be cute together..."

"Actually..." began Harry before Hermione slammed a hand over his mouth and cried "Don't Even!"

**VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:  
We'll lead 'em to the slaughter  
and we'll murder Harry Potter**

"Hey!" yelled Harry in mock-offense and Malfoy laughed vindictively in his chair.**  
**

**We're different  
Different  
Different, different  
As can be!**

"Are Fred and I in the next one?" George asked the room eagerly.

"How should we know?" Dudley retorted quite bravely, drawing his former tormentor's attention for the first time.

George smiled broadly and opened his arms in a gesture of welcome, "Why Dudders! I didn't know you were here!"

"I live here..." muttered Dudley, attempting to become as unobtrusive as possible; a challenging feat.

Hermione, taking pity on the terrified muggle, called out, "George, you're in the next one!"

"Really?" he asked excitedly. Everyone nodded. "Well, okay then!" he said brightly, sitting himself down on Dudley's lap. "Let's get cracking, shall we?"**  
**

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**A/N: I hoped you all enjoyed that :) Someone, and I'm sorry that I can't remember who, said I should add George and I thought, that's a great idea! So, kudos to you for giving me that idea and letting me run with it. I will look you up and put your name in the next chapter. That all said please review and let me know any thoughts you guys have, because you guys are brilliant!  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)**

**A/N: Okay, I sifted through the reviews and discovered that it was nevillesremembrall who gave me the idea for George, so you win a virtual bear hug! Just imagine a tiny college student hugging the life out of you. your welcome :)**

**This has been a great day, not that any of you really care, 125 reviews, getting posted on Starkid's facebook page (thank you** **xxPSxxIxxLUVxxUxx!), and its tax free weekend- which means lots of shopping!**

**Also, this is one of my favorite scenes, so I was very happy to have an excuse to watch the video again and pause and rewind several times- you know so I could make sure I have all the lines typed up correctly...  
**

**Chapter 9**

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Snape strode dramatically forward playing with his billowy cloak and George fell all over Dudley has he tried to breathe through his giggles. "...Brilliant...going to make...action figures..." Dudley was cringing away from the writhing red-head but to no avail, George, seeing what he was trying to do, only pulled him closer.

**SNAPE: "The Hogwarts champions shall now enter the Champion's Tent, in preparation for the first task…"**

**HARRY: "Man…I can't believe we've gotta skip lunch period for this stupid task…"**

"Hear, hear!" Ron shouted and Dudley nodded fervently through George's head lock.**  
**

**HERMIONE: "Okay Harry, today's the day, the day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read those notes that I made for you on dragons?"**

**HARRY: "**_**No**_**." **

**HERMIONE: "What, why not?"**

**HARRY: "Are you kidding me, those were so boring…"**

Ron, who was about to voice his agreement again shut his yap as Harry muttered, "I _wouldn't_, if I were you..."**  
**

**HERMIONE: "So you- you didn't read them, you didn't prepare at all? You're not prepared at all?"**

**HARRY: "Well no, at least I have my wand, um…I brought my…"**

**HERMIONE: "Harry."**

The Hermione onstage thrust Harry's wand at him and Harry frowned. "Okay, I'm not _that _bad."

Ron and Hermione smirked and murmured "_Barty Crouch_. World Cup."

Ginny smiled and joined in, "_Wallet_. One hour ago."

Harry harrumphed while Ron gave him a noogie and Hermione and Ginny gave him chaste kisses on the cheek.

**HARRY: "**_**Hey**_**…cool…You're the best..."**

**HERMIONE: "Harry just, please don't die today…I don't want to see my best friend get eaten by a dragon!"**

**HARRY: "Hey, hey relax, okay? Save the tears for my funeral…"**

Hermione slapped her best friend on the back of the head, knocking his messy hair even more askew. "You _would _say that."

"It's not like anyone would shed tears for you anyway Potter..." uttered Malfoy. This was, apparently, the wrong thing to say; he was at the receiving end of many hateful glares, sparking wands, and cracking knuckles. However, this was not the worst, no the worst was when the room commenced laughing and pointing at his head.

Malfoy felt his forehead frantically and his face twisted to utmost horror as his fingertips lighted upon what seemed to be a lightening-bolt shaped blemish. He had been scarred.

The Potter boys were holding their sister tightly between them shouting some nonsense about being the 'best sister ever', and George's face shone with pride for his young niece. "Best accidental magic ever!" gasped Ron and Harry grinned wickedly at his horrified rival.

"TAKE IT OFF!" Malfoy bellowed, hiding his forehead from view behind splayed fingers.

"Nope." the room chorused.

Malfoy growled and ran to the mirror that hung above the mantle, pointed his wand at his own forehead, and began the difficult process of removing the scar.

**HERMIONE: "Yeah, yeah…"**

Cedric and Malfoy's characters came back on the screen and Malfoy, watching from the mirror, frowned more deeply, but did nothing else to show he had even noticed his character's entrance.

George on the other hand, was seeing the pompous man's character for the first time and straightened up. He made feverish glances between the television and the glowering Ex-Death Eater. "Wait. Wait just a minute- are you telling me, that this lovely young woman is playing that little git?" he announced to the room at large before leaning in to whisper in Dudley's ear, "Poor girl, she'll never live down that reputation..."**  
**

**CEDRIC: "So, tell me more about this Pigfarts, I **_**find**_** it to be very interesting."**

**DRACO: "Well, while you're there you have to wear your space suit at all times, because there's no atmosphere on Mars so if a single docking bay opens, you'll probably die."**

**CEDRIC: "My, how **_**dreadful**_**!"**

"Yet, he still sounds excited..." Ginny mumbled, confusedly.

"How could you not, when there's every chance that Malfoy might die at Pigfarts?" Ron remarked and Harry and George donned grins of agreement.**  
**

**DRACO: "Well, but the good news is if you're a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his back!"**

**CEDRIC: "And he's the headmaster lion?"**

**DRACO: "Who can talk."**

"That, is bloody fantastic." George whispered in awe. He removed himself from Dudley's lap and flopped down on the floor. Settled, he fished a small notepad out of his pocket along with a quill and started making notes on creating a talking lion, possibly wearing a wizard's hat and silvery beard.**  
**

**CEDRIC: "Oh…Well hello Harry, how are you feeling today?"**

**HARRY: "Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive…"**

"Did you really act that way around him?" Hermione asked shocked; Harry was nice to everyone.

Ron grinned, "Oh yeah, he totally did, he couldn't stand that Cedric had his girl-" Ginny glared "-so to speak."**  
**

**CEDRIC: "Well good, I'm happy to **_**find**_** you in good spirits! Miss Granger."**

**HERMIONE: "Hello…"**

Hermione's brows furrowed in confusion. "I never had anything against Cedric..."**  
**

**CHO: "Sugar-pie!"**

**CEDRIC: "My darling! Was that a kiss for good luck?"**

**CHO: "**_**No**_**, that was for bein' so cotton-pickin' **_**cute**_**! This one's for good luck!"**

**HARRY: "Hate that guy…"**

Ginny and Hermione sighed in disappointment at Harry and Ron smirked.

**HERMIONE: "It's okay Harry, you're going to be great today…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "**_**Oh**_** God! Granger I thought you were a boggart! I'm terrified of those…And what the hell are you doing in the Champion's Tent? Get out of here, ten more points!"**

**HARRY: "Thanks Hermione…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "**_**Are you kids ready to fight a dragon**_**…? Of course not you're just children, what the hell am I thinkin'?"**

The room burst into loud laughter at Dumbledore's crazy antics. Albus in particular was beaming.

**"Well, outside this tent are thousands upon thousands of screaming fans and they're either going to be cheering for **_**you**_**- **_**or the dragon**_**- but either way they'll be makin' some kind of noise! So- in order for the selection process to be fair, I'm going to randomly select a cardboard cut-out size version of the dragon you will be defeating. For you Cedric, Puff the Magic Dragon. Figment, the Imaginary Dragon…The Reluctant Dragon…and for you Potter, **_**the**__**Hungarian Horntail most terrifying thing you'll ever see in your whole life**_**!"**

**HARRY: "Hey! Ah! Oh my God!"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Right, if there are no complaints I think I wanna-"**

**HARRY: "Hey wait, hold on a second! This is terrifying, those are the cutest things I've ever seen."**

"Captures my feelings at that moment perfectly." Harry grumbled. Ron and Hermione smiled patronizingly at him and he yelped, "What! You can't say that I didn't get the hardest dragon of the lot! It had fire-breath, spikes, teeth, and a terrible temper," he counted off in his fingers, "all logic points to giving that one to the scrawny midget in glasses that didn't even want to be there." he huffed.

"You just have horrible luck, Harry." Hermione said, somehow thinking that this was consoling.

**DUMBLEDORE: "This thing is horrifying! Just use your imagination…Disapparate!"**

"Not a spell!" Malfoy yelled from the mirror, where no progress had yet been met.**  
**

**RON: "God, this competition is going to suck all these dragons are wimps- **_**Accio**_** Double-stuff!"**

"You know, I can't understand why my character is _always _eating, but he has good taste..." said Ron drooling. While the rest rolled their eyes at Ron's oblivious attitude in regards to his own diet, Dudley ran from the room as fast as his chunky legs could carry him and returned mere seconds later holding a package of Double-stuff Oreos. At first it seemed that he was not going to share, but this little issue was fixed when Ron followed the path of his favorite character by summoning them into his outstretched arms.

Everyone began to chow down on the chocolate sandwich cookies, even Malfoy who took a very tentative bite, grimacing as he did so. He had finally given up on fixing the scar, his attempts at changing it had only resulted in an brighter, more vibrant scarlet hue, rather than fading it.

**"Look at that one…**_**Oh my God, monster**_**! Wait, is that yours?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah."**

**RON: "Oh my God, that's awesome, I wanna hold it! Oh my God, this thing is terrifying, hope the real thing is smaller…**_**Rawr**_**! Ferocious, what are you gonna do?"**

"Ron! Can't you see Harry is upset?" Hermione scolded, smacking Ron on the back. This caused Ron to choke on the ridiculous amount of Oreos stuffed in his bulging cheeks. Everyone took cover as cookie bits flew to and fro.**  
**

**HARRY: "I don't know, I'm not cut out for this kind of thing!"**

**RON: "Oh my God…"**

**HERMIONE: "Ron! This is the Champion's Tent, you can't be in here!"**

**SNAPE: "Ms. Granger…what the devil are you doing in the Champion's Tent? Ten points from Gryffindor!"**

**HARRY: "Ugh…Thanks Hermione…"**

**RON: "Thanks Hermione. Good luck buddy- Bye Snape!"**

Hermione scowled.**  
**

**SNAPE: "Bye…Cedric Diggory…now is your chance to face…your dragon."**

**CEDRIC: "Alright fellas wish me luck!"**

**CHO: "I believe in you!"**

**CEDRIC: "That's all I needed to hear!"**

Ginny and Hermione laughed at the cheesy line, George and Lily giggled, and the males looked sickened.**  
**

**HARRY: "Hey Malfoy, tell ya what I'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give **_**you**_** the chance to switch dragons with me- I'll give you that opportunity. Alright, don't worry about it-"**

**DRACO: "Uh…let me think about it- No."**

Malfoy pointed his index finger at the screen victoriously, "_There_. At least there's _some _of me in there somewhere."**  
**

**HARRY: "Come on Malfoy, come on, I'll- I'll give you my Gushers!"**

**DRACO: "Oh no, I have a Fruit by the Foot, I don't want your Gushers."**

**SNAPE: "Cho Chang…your dragon awaits…"**

**CHO: "**_**Well**_**, I can't **_**imagine**_** that this will be very hard…"**

**SNAPE: "Oh I **_**imagine**_**, it won't!"**

**CHO & SNAPE: "Ahahaha!"**

**HARRY: "Malfoy, come on! Tell ya what, I'll throw in my Teddygrams with the Gushers- you can make little Gusher- Teddygram sandwiches!"**

**DRACO: "Alright, you throw in that pack of Bugles and you've got yourself a deal!"**

Dudley's mouth was watering at all the mention of snack foods.

**HARRY: "Absolutely not."**

**SNAPE: "Draco Malfoy…"**

**HARRY: "Professor Snape, is there anyway I can- I don't know, forfeit, or switch dragons- maybe just take a day off- What-what-what're you doing?"**

**SNAPE: "I'm protecting you Potter, Welsh Greenbacks can't stand the taste of Hunt's Tomato Ketchup!"**

**HARRY: "But I'm not fighting a Welsh Greenback, I'm fighting a Hungarian Horntail!"**

**SNAPE: "Oh, silly me! Hunt's Tomato Ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails like best of all…Good luck Potter!"**

"I believe that this is a theory that should be tested..." George announced smiling dangerously at Malfoy, who was now trying to scrub the scar off of his forehead with the palms of his hands.**  
**

**HARRY: "What?"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "And now Harry Potter, the terrifying Hungarian Horntail, most terrifying thing you'll ever see your whole life! It should be noted, that this particular dragon has not been fed…in two weeks…"**

Harry scowled mumbling darkly, "Oh yeah, let's make it more dangerous for Harry..." **  
**

**HERMIONE: "Come on, Harry…"**

**RON: "Woo! Go Harry! You got it!"**

**HERMIONE: "Just think positive, you can do it! Harry- Harry- Harry!"**

**RON: "Ahhhh!"**

**HARRY: "Oh my God! A-a-**_**accio**_** guitar!**

"What? Guitar?" Harry spluttered.

**Hey dragon  
you don't gotta do this  
Lets reevaluate our options  
throw away our old presumptions  
cause really  
you don't wanna go through this**

Malfoy glanced over at his rival and drawled, "Really, Potter. You're going to sing to a dragon. You never cease to amaze me in your stupidity."

Harry didn't even bother to look at him retorting, "Looking pretty cute with that scar Malfoy." Malfoy flushed a dull pink and scrubbed his forehead with renewed vigor.

**I'm really not that special  
the Boy-Who-Lived is only flesh and bone  
the truth is in the end  
I'm pretty useless without friends  
In fact I'm alone  
Just like now  
but anyhow**

**I spend my time at school  
trying to be this cool guy  
I never even asked for  
I don't know any spells**

"Yes, I do!" Harry objected.

Ron nodded and added "Yeah, you should see him expelliarmus!" Harry growled and shoved him.

**Still manage to do well  
But there's only so long that can last for  
I'm living off the glory  
of some stupid children's story  
I had nothing to do with  
I just sat there and got lucky  
so level with me buddy  
I can't defeat thee  
so please don't eat me  
All I can do  
is sing this song for you"**

**HARRY:  
"Lalalalala"**

"Oh my God, Harry!" giggled Hermione and she was joined by Ginny who pulled her adorable husband closer.**  
**

**DRAGON:  
"Rarararara"**

Lily squealed over the cuteness of the dragon.**  
**

**HARRY:  
"Lalalalala Lalala"**

**HARRY: "That's right Dragon  
You never asked to be a dragon  
I never asked to be a champion  
We both just jumped on the band wagon  
But all we need is guitar jamming"**

**HARRY:  
"Lalalalala"**

**DRAGON:  
"Rarararara"**

**HARRY:  
"Lalalalala Lalala"**

**HARRY: (speaking) "Goodnight Dragon.**

**1-2-3! I beat the dragon!"**

"It fell asleep." sneered Malfoy.

"Amounts to the same thing though, doesn't it?" Harry returned with a roll of his eyes. When was Malfoy going to grow up?

Ginny stretched and yawned, "That was great, I wanna see what happens next."

**

* * *

A/N: This one is a lot longer than the last few thankfully, of course the scene was also longer, but we'll just ignore that little factoid. Please review and let me know your thoughts and ideas for other characters and what not...  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)**

**A/N: Things have gotten so crazy lately in all the college preparation! I barely have time to do much anymore, so i was lucky to find the time to make this chapter. Anyways, thank you guys so much for all the reviews! They make my day and they make sure I make time to write so I don't disappoint all of you. :)**

**So heeeeeeeeeeeeere's the next chapter! All of you long chapter fans rejoice!  
**

**Chapter 10**

**

* * *

**

**SNAPE: "Attention all Hogwarts students…tonight is our annual Yule Ball, so please remember to pick up your Yule Ball Wreath and give it to that special someone…Ah! Ginger!"**

Ginny's character caught the wreath that was thrown at her and George grabbed a hold of his baby sister squealing blissfully, "Gin-Gin!"

Ginny had a very sour look on her face as she huffed, "It's not me and don't call me Gin-Gin!"

**GINNY: "Oh, hey, Harry Potter…"**

George's freckled face split into a wicked grin; this was going to be good. He had not forgotten the huge crush Ginny had had in her youth and apparently, neither had Starkid Potter.

**HARRY: "Oh, hi Ginny."**

**GINNY: "Fancy seeing you here, huh?"**

**HARRY: "Uh well, it's the cafeteria so yeah…"**

Harry, Ron, and George sniggered. Ginny slapped Harry in the stomach making him double-over as he gasped for air.

**GINNY: "Um, so, um, the Yule Ball's coming up, huh?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah I know it is, very, very soon, yeah…"**

**GINNY: "Um well, were you thinking of going with anybody?"**

**HARRY: "I was! Actually I was just waiting for the right time to ask somebody and I think, I think that time is right now, so if- if you have something to say, just get it out cause…"**

"Yeah, spit it out Gin, Harry's busy." George scolded**. **

**GINNY: "Ahhh!"**

Ginny's character showed off the wreath to Harry grinning in excitement.

**HARRY: "Oh is this for me? Oh Ginny, how did you know that I needed a wreath so I could ask Cho Chang, you're the best!"**

**GINNY: "Oh…Harry Potter…**_**forget**_** it!"**

"Aw…" George cooed hugging his sister, "Don't worry Gin, you get him in the end…"

Ginny rolled her eyes, this was why George shouldn't be invited; he was so annoying.

**HARRY: "Alright, I will! Cool! Hey, hey Cho Chang, listen; I know the Yule Ball is coming up and I was wondering if uh, maybe you wanted to go with me… but just in case you're kind of on the fence about it, you should know that I play guitar and that I conquered that dragon's heart with it and I think it will conquer yours…**

**You're tall and fun and pretty  
You're really, really skinny  
Cho Chang**

**I'm the Mickey to your Minnie  
You're the Tigger to my Winnie  
Cho Chang**

**You're cuter than a guinea pig  
Wanna take you up to Winnipeg  
That's in Canada!**

**Cho Cho Cho Cho China  
Ching Chong Cho Chang!**

…**whatever."**

"Oh Harry-bear, you're so dreamy…" George sighed, batting his eyelashes up at an embarrassed Harry.

**CHO: "Well Harry Potter, bless your heart…um but, I'ma have to say no…? That young, strapping boy Cedric Dig-gory already asked me, I just have to go with him. Sorry…Come on girls, let's go show Moaning Myrtle our ball gowns and make fun of her cause she can't go!"**

"That's so mean!" Hermione objected. She had never liked Moaning Myrtle but that was no reason to be cruel to her.

"You know, I don't think Chang did that, but it seems like I remember Astoria Greengrass talking about that in Potions…" Ginny murmured thoughtfully.

They all turned to Malfoy, who shrugged and answered blithely, "I'm not the boss of her. Besides it's just a whiny ghost anyway…"

**PANSY & LAVENDER: "Yeah!"**

**RON: "Hey there good buddy, how's it goin'?"**

**HARRY: "Okay…"**

**RON: "Is that a Yule Ball Wreath?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah…"**

**RON: "Who you gonna **_**ask**_**…?"**

Everyone but Malfoy, who looked disgusted, laughed at the ridiculous face Ron's character was making and the way he was speaking.

Lily ran forward and rewound it to watch it again and Ron's ears turned more red with each repeat. Eventually, Harry stepped in and lifted his daughter away from the control panel, so they could continue watching.

**HARRY: "Well I asked Cho Chang, but she turned me down for Cedric Stuppory…"**

"Good one." mocked Malfoy.

**RON: "Oh my God they're going together? That's so great, I love him so much, they're so cute- couple-"**

**HARRY: "No- no- no- no!"**

**RON: "-I hate him, I hate him so much…Oh my God, he pisses me off, wow…"**

Everyone laughed harder. "And this is why you're my best mate." chuckled Harry.

"He _always_ takes _your_ side…" muttered Hermione.

"**Man that sucks dude, I don't know why she turned you down you're like the coolest guy in school."**

"I know right." Harry remarked and the rest gave him a funny look.

Ron said, "Ya know mate, I think this play is starting to go to your head."

Malfoy's eyes made their familiar trek up to the ceiling and back again as he drawled, "Like it _needed_ more inflating…"

Harry wasn't paying them any mind, he was too busy nodding along to the next line.

**HARRY: "I know! I don't get it, I play guitar, I'm Harry Potter, I'm awesome!"**

**RON: "Reeses Pieces?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah…I don't get it man, I guess I'll just go stag…"**

**RON: "Well, I 'm gonna go stag too. The only girls that I know that don't have dates already are Ginny-"**

Harry and Ron blew raspberries.

Ginny scowled fiercely at the men in question, who were too busy laughing along with George, James, Albus, and Malfoy to notice.

**RON: "And Hermione-"**

**HARRY: "Oh my God!" **

Harry and Ron blew raspberries again.

Hermione joined Ginny in anger at her boys and Ron actually had the sense to stop laughing. The rest of the males were howling with laughter, especially Malfoy, eager to prove that he was _not_, I repeat _not_, in love with the mudblood Granger.

**RON: "I'm not going with my stupid sister."**

Ginny's face was turning red as the blood rushed to her head and Ron was once again becoming fearful of the reactions his look-alike was generating in the female department. Even George was chastened and he joined Harry and his nephews in mournful silence.

Malfoy on the other hand was not so frightened and mocked "So the weasels are actually above inbreeding, well that's a shock-"

Ginny had, had enough; terrified shrieks echoed through the house as Malfoy ran off, accompanied by slimey, winged creatures that attacked the aristocrat's face.

Dudley flung himself behind his cousin's children, realizing that she would be less likely to attack him with her scary magic if he was being blocked by her babies.

The rest of the room was barely holding in their laughter, but somehow managed with the thought of inciting the red-head's wrath.

**HARRY: "And I think of Hermione like a sister, so that's out."**

**RON: "We are in such a puzzle!"**

**HARRY: "What a conundrum…"**

Hermione gave the boys a look and they just shrugged and grinned. "In all fairness, we did figure that out in our time." said Harry.

"We were just a little late," Ron grumbled. Anyone could see that he was imagining what it would be like to torture Viktor Krum in his mind.

**NEVILLE: "My, look at these strapping young men…"**

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny giggled; Neville would never say that, not in a million years.

**HARRY: "Hey Neville…Hey Neville, you want this Yule Ball Wreath?"**

**NEVILLE: "Uh yeah, if you're willing to part with it, I will take this wreath!"**

**HARRY: "Hey Ron, let's go hang out with Hagrid. He can teach us how to dance and help us get our dress robes!"**

"Oh God, did you guys really do that?" Hermione questioned shrilly; that would certainly explain Ron's horrid dress robes and Harry's bad dancing.

**RON: "That can only lead to disaster and hilarity…**

Harry, George, and Ron laughed.

**HARRY: "Well let's go!"**

**RON: "I mean, I just don't know about Hermione, I don't think anyone's asking her cause she's just so butt ugly-"  
HARRY: "Hideous!"**

Hermione was staring the pair down furiously.

Harry and Ron each grabbed one of George's arms and pulled him in front of them as a human shield.

Ron pleaded shakily, "Hermione, darling, if you love George you won't try to hex us."

George's brown eyes became as wide and sad as a basset hound's as he waited for Hermione's response. He relaxed as she threw herself back down on the couch, huffing.

**GOYLE: "Give that plant nerd."**

**NEVILLE: "Oh!"**

**GOYLE: "Oh, Goyle rules!"**

Everyone but Hermione, who was frowning, howled with laughter.

Malfoy, having made his way back into the room unnoticed, gasped, "If only the real Goyle had had this much personality…" He sobered however, when his least favorite character returned to the stage.

**DRACO: "So anyway, it was reluctant enough at first, but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down cake, lassoed it with my Fruit by the Foot and beheaded it with a quick slicing charm, ruddy fool…"**

"Now, that definitely sounds like the Malfoy we know, bragging to all his little Slytherin cronies about his exploits." crowed Ron.

Malfoy shrugged, "_Someone_ has to spread the word of my greatness, might as well be me…"

Harry and Ron rolled their eyes in unison.

"**Goyle? What are you doing with that wreath? Going to ask someone to the Yule Ball?"**

**GOYLE: "No! Dancing's for nerds."**

**CRABBE: "And pretty girls!"**

**DRACO: "Right! You know who the last girl I'd ever ask to the Yule Ball would be? That Hermione Granger"**

Malfoy muttered curses under his breath.

Harry and George were rolling in their seats, while Ron asked loudly, "What is your _deal_, man?"

"…**not even if we were the last two people on earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown, so every time I looked at her I got butterflies in my tummy…Not even then."**

George ran from the room as the room rang with laughter, and returned moments later wiping his eyes and saying "Nearly pissed myself…"

Malfoy's face was turning an interesting shade of fuschia.

"**You know, they don't even have dances at Pigfarts! All the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs."**

James bellowed "RUMBLEROAR!" through his laughter and everyone clutched their aching stomachs as the hilarity mounted.

**GOYLE: "Dancing is for pansies…"**

**DRACO: "Hey you there, what's your name?"**

**PANSY: "Pansy."**

**DRACO: "Perfect! You're going to the Yule Ball with me. You see that dragon? Well it was reluctant enough at first, but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down cake…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Yule Ball decorating crew! Just the Yule Ball decorating crew coming through…last minute decorations…My Lord! The Yule Ball has finally arrived and I brought the key!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yes, I know Quirrell! I **_**hear- EVERYTHING- you hear**_**!"**

The group, which was hardly recovered from the last bout of laughter, giggled wheezily at this remark.

**QUIRRELL: "I'm sorry."**

**VOLDEMORT: "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped…I'm just nervous that's all…"**

"Is it just me, or are they just like an old married couple?" pondered George aloud.

**QUIRRELL: "Nervous?" **

**VOLDEMORT: "No."**

**QUIRRELL: "Why?"**

**VOLDEMORT: "I don't wanna talk about it."**

**QUIRRELL: "Hey, it's just me…you can tell me anything, you know that..."**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right…I'm just nervous because we've been planning this night for so long and I-I want everything to go perfectly, you know?**

**QUIRRELL: "Don't worry…we've mapped out everything, we've anticipated every little problem and compensated for it. We've even prepared what you're going to say to Potter when you see him, so just cool down, relax, by the end of the night you'll have your revenge and your body back."**

**VOLDEMORT: "You're right, you're right, I'm being silly…"**

Harry snorted; something about the pairing of Voldemort and the word 'silly' was just strange to him.

"**But you know, Quirrell over the last year I've really grown attached to you- no pun intended…"**

More than Harry snorted this time.

**QUIRRELL: "Yeah, I know what you mean…but hey, we'll still hang out, just because we won't be attached won't mean we're completely different people- no pun intended…"**

It sounded like a herd of horses were in the room, due to the amount of snorting at the puns.

**VOLDEMORT: "No, no of course not! Hey Quirrell, we should make plans-"**

**QUIRRELL: "-Evil plans?"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Oh uh… no, casual plans…Like um, we could go rollerblading on Saturday and then see a movie at night!"**

The already aching sides were now splitting as everyone imagined what it would be like to go to the park and see Voldemort rollerblading. Even Malfoy was unable to hide his smirk at the thought.

**QUIRRELL: "Yeah, it will be great cause we'll both be able to watch it for a change!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Yeah, yeah…I bet it will be nice to sleep in our own beds…"**

**QUIRRELL: "Mmhmm…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Not always have someone behind you all the time…"**

**QUIRRELL: "And have the privacy of my old life back again…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Hmm…"**

**QUIRRELL: "The solitude…"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Hmm…no! Whatever happens tonight man, it-it's been a blast."**

"Aw…" Ginny and George sighed; they were so cute together.

**QUIRRELL: "Yeah, one crazy year!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Blaahha!"**

There were a few laughs at the crazy face.

**QUIRRELL: "Hey, promise we'll go rollerblading and see that movie!"**

**VOLDEMORT: "Oh **_**man**_**, I **_**promise**_**!"**

Quirrell hugged Voldemort and George got a few weird stares; he was imitating the onscreen couple sighing blissfully with his eyes closed. Those nearest him, namely Dudley, edged away slowly.

**VOLDEMORT: "Okay, Quirrell- plant that key and split! Pun intended!"**

**SNAPE: "Why Professor Quirrell, what on earth are you doing in the Great **_**Dance**_** Hall, just moments before the **_**dance**_**…?"**

They were starting to wonder if their sides would ever get a chance to recover as they were laughing hysterically once again.

Speaking through his laughter, George announced, "After this I'm going to find _some_ way to make Snape's portrait watch all of his scenes in this film…"

"I'll help!" Harry wheezed.

Ron thrust his hand up, "Me too!" he cried.

**QUIRRELL: "Just decorating for the Yule Ball- last minute decorations! One final touch!"**

**SNAPE: "A ladle?"**

**QUIRRELL: "A very special ladle for a very special night for a very special punch!"**

**SNAPE: "And what's so special about it…?"**

**QUIRRELL: "Let's just say, it has Squirt in it!"**

"That sounds disgusting." Harry said, his face twisted in displeasure.

**SNAPE: "Squirt! Is that not the favorite drink of one Harry Potter...?"**

Everybody turned to him and laughed at his shocked face.

**QUIRRELL: "Is it…? I had no idea…well we better be going-"**

**SNAPE: "We?"**

**QUIRRELL: "I-I better be going…loud music hurts my ears!"**

**SNAPE: "Okay, well I'll see you later then!"**

**QUIRRELL: "Or maybe you **_**won't**_**."**

**SNAPE: "Or maybe I **_**will**_**!"**

The pair glided away from each other and there was more chuckling at their former teacher's flair for the dramatic.

**DUMBLEDORE: "Excuse me, it's my fault! Hey Severus…"**

**SNAPE: "Oh, uh Headmaster…"  
DUMBLEDORE: "What are you doing in here, gettin' some punch are ya?"**

"I honestly can't imagine Snape drinking punch." stated Hermione.

**SNAPE: "Oh, no, no, no, there's Squirt in that."**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Oh, only Harry Potter likes that hogshit, I'll stick with my Redbull thank you very much…"**

"Redbull? That doesn't sound good either…" Ron frowned his disgust.

"This from the man who consumes Fudge Flies on a fairly common basis…" Hermione sighed, smiling up at her husband.

**SNAPE: "Well, good night Headmaster…"**

**DUMBLEDORE: "Severus, I- I saved this last dance for you…"**

**SNAPE: "Well I would Headmaster, but you see…an old friend is coming back into town tonight… Heeheehehe…"**

"Well, that was strange…" Hermione said wonderingly; she had never heard of a Snape/Dumbledore relationship prior to this…

"Okay, so I have two new favorite couples," George cried "First is the adorable Quirrelmort and second is Snapledore."

There were many stares and Hermione came to the conclusion that George had been reading too many muggle gossip rags.

Lily, escaping from her father's grip and dashing to the computer, chirped "So…all in favor of watching the next one?"

* * *

**A/N: And that's it, for the moment anyway... Please review! I'm trying to decide if I want to bring Rose and Hugo in, because in my head they are at the Burrow hanging out with their cousins, including George's children. But, they can't stay there forever so I might have them in next chapter, just in time to witness their father sing GRANGER DANGER! :D **


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)**

**A/N: I'm so sorry guys! I know it's been forever since the last update and frankly, it feels like it. I had no idea my life would become this crazy, but alas it has! I'm putting off two projects to do this right now so I hope this chapter was worth the wait and doesn't suck due to the long absence of writing. **

**PS- Here's a fun fact that really has no relevance at all but I'm gonna say it anyway, my dorm is haunted! Crazy stuff keeps going down, alarm clocks going off every single hour for no reason, I keep hearing what sounds like a girl humming around my bed, usually when I'm trying to go to sleep…A girl committed suicide on the third floor of the building and apparently she likes to get up to shenanigans… Anyway- back to the story!**

**Chapter 11**

Just as the next video had begun, George clutched his pocket watch in a death grip and shrieked "The shop!"

He had left his shop unattended for more than half an hour with the doors unlocked. If his shop were say, a bookshop, or a hattery, this would not be the end of the world, but Weasley's Wizard Wheezes was as popular as it ever was and besides the customers, the items for sale had to be watched as well. Stock was known to walk off the shelves and explosions were common.

As everyone else said their goodbyes to George, Hermione turned to Ron and scolded "You didn't even give him enough time to close up his shop?"

Ron's cheeks reddened a bit and he scratched his neck nervously, mumbling "It didn't seem top priority at the time…" His wife's eyes went skyward.

**HARRY: "Hey Ron."**

**RON: "Hey, what's up dude- how's it goin'? Have you seen Hermione anywhere?"**

**HARRY: "No I haven't. Why?"**

**RON: "Nothing, nothing, it's just you know, I heard Parvati Patil telling Padma Patil that she had seen Hermione in the girl's locker room before just crying her eyes out in the bathroom stall..."**

Everyone, including Malfoy, turned to Hermione questioningly.

Hermione gave them her patented 'Do-I-Really-Have-to-Explain-_Everything_-to-_Everyone_?' face and followed it with"I was just insulted by my best friends in the whole world not to mention the guy I've had a crush on forever and you all don't expect me to be the least bit sad about that? My heart's not made of stone you know."

The rest of the room seemed a bit chastened by this. Ron pulled his wife into a fierce hug in a nonverbal "I'm Sorry".

**HARRY: "Lame!"**

Ginny gave her sheepish husband a look and muttered "Hermione's heart may not be made of stone, but it seems as if Harry's is…"

Harry's face fell and Ginny smiled in a teasing way. "You know I don't mean it." She whispered and he nodded.

**RON: "Yeah I know, isn't that like the saddest thing you've ever heard? I mean, I don't know, it's just inevitable that one day Hermione would realize that no guy would like her."**

Only a faint huff was all that could be heard from under Ron's death grip on his wife. He was making little shushing noises and cooing softly to her in a panicked sort of way.

**HARRY: "Yeah."**

**RON: "Because of her obnoxious personality, ugly face, and misshapen body, but you know, it's just- I don't know, she could at least get in one night of happiness before she realized she would be growing old alone, you know?"**

The rest of the room was laughing at Ron's predicament as Ron turned to his video replica with a look that screamed 'Shut up now!'

Malfoy's laughter transitioned into groaning as his character flounced onto the screen.

**DRACO: "Hey, you two over here talking about Granger?"**

**HARRY: "Malfoy get out of here, it's none of your business. Why don't you go dance with Pansy?"**

**Pansy appeared.**

**DRACO: "Hey, go get me some punch."**

**PANSY: "Okay…wait I should tell you there's **_**Squirt**_** in it."**

**DRACO: "**_**Squirt? **_**Oh never mind, I'll **_**stay**_** dehydrated…Go- go powder your nose or something…"**

**PANSY: "I-I just fixed my makeup a little while ago…"**

**DRACO: "**_**Trust**_** me, you need more powder…"**

"Smooth Malfoy…real smooth…" mocked Ginny and Malfoy sneered at her.

"**Pain in the arse, right?"**

"Finally, something we agree on!" Malfoy exclaimed with an accompanying eye roll.

Harry and Ron raised their eyebrows at this and Harry asked, "You didn't like Pansy?" Malfoy shook his head vehemently.

There was a chorus of "Really?" from the older crowd excluding Dudley, who seemed to be thinking about a dumb it was to name a kid Pansy. Good thing his parents had had the forethought to give him a nice strong name like Dudley.

Ron said "We all thought she was your girlfriend."

"No, she was just obsessed with me. She was useful in that she would do whatever I asked of her. She was a pawn, nothing more…" Malfoy went back to watching the film while many in the room felt a brief feeling of pity for Pansy.

"**So anyway…noticed Granger's not around here…probably for the better too, no one will be able to keep their hummus and peach chips down with that ugly mug of hers darting about."**

The Potter children all joined in a chorus of "Oooh…" And the adults all turned to peek at the chilling pits of brown that could be seen through the Ron's stranglehold on Hermione.

Malfoy was in hysterics, grey eyes filled with tears and clutching a stitch in his side. Maybe his character wasn't so bad…

**RON: "Malfoy why don't you just give her a break for once, okay Malfoy?"**

**DRACO: "Why defending her Weasley? Have a crush?"**

**RON: "No! No- why all the insults Malfoy? Covering up a crush?"**

**HARRY: "Yeah!"**

**DRACO: "Oh- right- right! Like I could ever have a crush on that stupid-"**

**CHO: "Oh my Gosh- she looks beautiful, bless her heart!"**

**Hermione's character entered the scene looking lovely.**

Ginny sighed, "Aww Hermione…" and Lily shouted "You look beautiful Aunt Hermione!"

There was a muffled thanks in response. Ron kissed the tiny bit of his wife forehead that he could see.

The spotlight found itself on Ron, and he cringed slightly moaning "Oh boy."

**RON:  
"Here I am face to face  
with a situation  
I never ever thought I'd see**

**strange how a dress  
can take a mess  
and make her nothing less than  
beautiful to me**

The girls all cooed at the couple on the sofa. Hermione was now free of her captor as Ron had tried to sink as far back into the love seat as was possible and she was taking the opportunity to grin and giggle at him.**  
**

**I feel like my eyes have been transfigured  
something deep inside has changed  
they've been open wide, but hold that trigger  
this could mean Danger**

**I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love  
I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love  
with Hermione Granger"  
**

Hermione had begun tickling her husband and he was squirming and laughing through shouts of "No! Stop! Don't!"**  
**

The spotlight turned to Draco and Malfoy blanched. "No, this is not happening."

**DRACO:  
"WHAT? what the hell is this?  
YOU expect me to sing about her?  
don't care about her**

**it's just a little makeup  
Draco, Wake up  
I'm mistaken**

**she- is the hottest girl I've ever seen  
now- because she's like a girl I've never seen  
don't know why- I'd ever be so mean, this could mean DANGER!**

The room burst out into laughter as Malfoy's face seemed frozen in a mask of mingled disbelief and horror. It seemed that there was a thing that the man feared more than a returned Voldemort; himself singing a love ballad about Hermione Granger in front of all his childhood enemies and their children.

Shaking with laughter, Hermione grabbed a camera off of a nearby shelf and snapped a picture muttering something about Kodak moments.

**I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love  
I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love  
With Hermione Granger."  
**

Malfoy was now in the fetal position; rocking back and forth frantically pulling at his hair with vigor. The video was now nearly impossible to hear over everyone' now hysterical laughter.**  
**

**MALFOY & RON: "I WANNA LET HER KNOW..."  
MALFOY: "I FEEL SO QUEASY"**

Harry, James, and Albus were rolling on the floor in hysterics. Ginny was collapsed on arm of her end of the sofa snorting in to the cushion. Lily simply thought the song was sweet and swayed to the music.

**MALFOY & RON: "BUT I CAN'T LET IT SHOW..."  
RON: "SHE'D LAUGH, POOR WEASLEY**

Hermione was staring transfixed at her husband and whispered "No I wouldn't have..."

**COME ON RON"  
DRACO:"DRACO"  
TOGETHER: "You gotta let it go, you gotta let it go…"**

**MALFOY:  
"WHAT? what the hell is this?  
I want to sing about her  
sing about her**

**I want to make up  
granger, wake up  
I've been mistaken**

**she- is the hottest girl I've ever seen  
now- because she's like a girl I've never seen  
don't know why- I'd ever be so mean, this could mean DANGER!"  
**

Malfoy had pulled his fingers from his hair and move them in his ears and was now screeching a horrible melody he seemed to have come up with on the spot.**  
**

**RON:  
"Here I am face to face  
with a situation  
I never thought I'd see**

**strange how a dress  
can take a mess  
and make her nothing less than  
beautiful to me**

**I feel like my eyes have been transfigured  
something deep inside has changed  
they've been open wide, but hold that trigger  
this could mean Danger"**

**TOGETHER:  
"I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love  
I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love  
With Hermione Granger.  
With Hermione Granger.  
With Hermione Granger.  
DANGER!"**

The Potter's all sang the last chorus together and held the last note for what seemed an eternity to the very much embarrassed Ron. Malfoy had disappeared and no one knew quite where he was or when he had left.

Hermione was flushed and grinning like a maniac and kept kissing her blushing husband with quick smacks on the lips.

"That was the best thing I have ever seen." Said James in awe.

Albus nodded adding, "Can we watch it again?"

The adults, knowing that they didn't have much time for rewatching if they were to finish the musical that day, said no.

James whispered to Albus, "Rose and Hugo have to see this."

Nodding fervently, Albus continued "Uncle George too."

**A/N: So as you can see, I decided to leave out the younglings for now...Someone suggested that there would be far too many people to write about all at once and they were very much correct. ****I was having issues of keeping everyone in check and I kept forgetting that a few of the characters were even there just for the sheer number of people to be writing about and making reactions for. However, I plan on the children seeing this one as well because they just have to. Anyways, once again I am sorry about the long delay and I won't worry you guys with excuses just no how bad I feel for putting this off for so long. Hopefully updating soon! Please Review :)**


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